


Underneath the Feathers - (ON HIATUS)

by MistMarauder



Series: Feathers [1]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alpha Crowley (Good Omens), Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Cherub Aziraphale (Good Omens), Former Seraph Crowley (Good Omens), Healer Crowley (Good Omens), Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Nesting, Oblivious Aziraphale (Good Omens), Omega Aziraphale (Good Omens), Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pack Dynamics, Protective Crowley (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:15:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 29,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21578185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistMarauder/pseuds/MistMarauder
Summary: Aziraphale hadn't thought about his Designation in so long that he's utterly unprepared for what's next. It doesn't help that he's been lying to his demon for oh... six thousand years give or take.(ON HIATUS AS OF 1/20/21. Fell out of the Good Omens fandom because of RL drama and never got back into it. So my motivation is shot. I hope to return eventually, but no promises as to when!)
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Feathers [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1602979
Comments: 1248
Kudos: 1166





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, lovelies. I wanted to contribute to this fandom in some way, and I really wanted to give this a go! Let me know what you think! I make no promises on an update schedule, but I hope not to let it languish for too long between chapters.
> 
> Much love, 
> 
> Mist

It wasn’t that Aziraphale was ashamed of his Designation. It was fairer to say that Heaven had made certain all Omegas knew how dangerous it was to be open about what they were.

It was drilled into all Omegas left in Heaven after the War that Alpha demons and later even Alpha humans were not to be trusted. Omega instincts left them vulnerable, and eventually it was deemed necessary to shield Omega angels in order to prevent any… unwanted occurrences on Earth.

So, like most other Omegas in Heaven after the War, Aziraphale had attended a steady stream of Heavenly check-ups and had chosen to allow his instincts to be suppressed for his own protection.

Which led him to his current predicament.

He was no longer welcome in Heaven, and the suppressants created by humans over the last few centuries would do nothing for angel biology.

It hadn’t occurred to him at the time - with stopping Armageddon along with his and Crowley’s imminent survival taking precedence over everything else - that he was going to experience sensations that he hadn’t in literally thousands of years, and in the four months since Armageddon, Aziraphale was no closer to a solution. He was starting to become desperate. He was a month past his usual yearly appointment date, and he knew Crowley was becoming concerned by Aziraphale’s shifty behavior. Aziraphale had turned the other down for every suggested outing, and over the last two weeks had taken to avoiding his phone completely. That very morning he went so far as to unplug it.

His bookshop had been closed since the first Alpha caught a whiff of his reemerging pheromones and upon realizing he was unmated, had tried to command Aziraphale to part with one of Wilde’s first editions. Aziraphale was thankful at that moment that he wasn’t human and was therefore barely affected, and he was quick to teach the Alpha a lesson that would make him think twice before trying to take advantage of an Omega in the future.

But this was a problem.

Humans may not pose much of a threat, but demons certainly would. Demons would, and if he were being honest with himself, other angels sent to Earth would as well.

He wasn’t mated, and he wasn’t on suppressants. This made him vulnerable, and he continued pacing back and forth across his bookshop floor as he tried to come up with a solution.

Aziraphale had asked Crowley about Omegas in Hell once before out of curiosity. Knowing that Heaven had deemed them all liabilities had made him wonder what happened with the Omegas down below.

Crowley had offhandedly replied that Omegas didn’t do well in Hell unless they were mated. The ones that had been mated before the Fall were safe from Alpha manipulation, but the others were not. Some were claimed by other Fallen Angels they had known before the War for the mutual benefits mating provided. Others learned to overcome their own instincts or be forcibly claimed.

And Crowley… Well, Crowley was an Alpha. Aziraphale had known this from the beginning.

When Crowley had noticed Aziraphale staring at him in abject horror after his answer, he had raised his shoulders around his ears defensively before lashing out.

_“What, angel? It’s not like I forced myself on anyone! You don’t see me dragging around an Omega mate, do you?”_

_“Crowley, it’s the principal of it! I wondered if Heaven had the right of it, and it seems they did.”_

_“The right of what?”_

_“They… Well, they medically suppress an Omega's instincts to prevent humans and demons from taking advantage of them.”_

Crowley had looked disturbed by this and had swept his eyes up and down Aziraphale’s form warily before changing the subject.

Aziraphale had often wondered why Crowley seemed more disturbed by Heaven’s machinations than the Darwinist competition of Hell, but he was afraid to bring it up again on the off chance that Crowley would look too closely at Aziraphale’s own Designation. Living as a Beta had been easy. Everything was somewhat muted from what he remembered from his early years living openly as an Omega, but it made maneuvering through humans exceptionally simple.

Crowley had worked his own Designation to his advantage as well.

Aziraphale couldn’t imagine Crowley’s reaction to finding out Aziraphale had lied to him all these years. Well, he hadn’t actually lied, but he knew that withholding information and letting the demon form an erroneous conclusion for thousands of years was pretty much the same thing if not worse.

He reached up a hand and tugged at his hair. The air around him was absolutely saturated with the smell of distressed Omega, and Aziraphale was perturbed when he remembered how obvious his emotions would be to anyone he happened to come across in this state. He was out of practice in handling his own instincts, and he was absolutely panicking.

The sudden banging on his back door wasn’t helping matters.

Wait. Who was banging on his back door?

“Angel, I know you’re in there! I can sense you! Open the door!”

Crowley. Of course. Who else would it be?

Aziraphale’s eyes darted around. He had to leave! Where could he go?

“Aziraphale!” Crowley was starting to sound a bit panicked, and the angel couldn’t help the pang of guilt in his chest. “I’m coming in, okay?”

Aziraphale heard the old lock in his door slip free before Crowley threw open the door and charged in. “Angel, where are y--”

The demon froze in the doorway and stared at Aziraphale from behind his sunglasses. The angel watched the other’s nostrils flare before hunching his shoulders up around his ears and shifting backward in an attempt to make himself seem even smaller.

“Zira, is there an Omega in here with you? What -” Crowley stopped and breathed deeply - eyes never leaving Aziraphale’s own. “Angel...”

Aziraphale opened and closed his mouth a few times in an attempt to force out some sort of reply and explain this all away. Crowley’s eyes were widening and becoming more and more alarmed.

“I don’t… Crowley, I…” Aziraphale smothered down the panicked and ridiculous instinct to turn this around on Crowley by demanding to know how he could be so rude as to force his way into Aziraphale’s bookshop.

“When were you going to tell me?” Crowley’s voice was indifferent, and his face was unreadable behind his ever present glasses. Aziraphale inhaled sharply at the question and thought carefully before replying. He could maybe placate the demon, but he had the thought that lying further might break things beyond repair. So, he decided to tell the truth. He suspected the reaction would be horrible regardless.

This had all happened too quickly. All he knew at the moment was that he was weakened, his dearest friend was likely to walk out and not return, and he was quickly becoming overwhelmed. He took a deep breath before responding.

“I wasn’t.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your kind words! <3

Crowley looked back at him silently, and Aziraphale could see the way his hands were trembling by his side.

“You weren’t. Right. I suppose I should have guessed that.”

Aziraphale had no hope of deciphering the tone with which that statement was delivered. He could in fact _rapidly_ feel himself spiraling - his body spurred on by the presence of an available Alpha.

“Crowley, I’m sorry. We can’t have this discussion right now. You have to go.” Aziraphale grabbed the side of his counter next to the antique register and tried not to think too hard about the incredulous expression Crowley shot him before weaving through the bookshop towards the front door. Soon he would be gone, and Aziraphale would be able to lock himself away until this passed. And then he’d figure out some way to apologize. He had to. He couldn’t lose Crowley. Crowley was all he had left! Well, besides Her. But She wasn’t exactly speaking much these days.

His preoccupation with his own thoughts meant that he didn’t even notice what Crowley had done until he was standing back in front of Aziraphale holding his face between his hands and looking him over critically.

Crowley hadn’t been leaving. He’d locked up! He’d not only locked up; he’d closed all of the blinds and left the bookshop in a comfortable cool darkness. Aziraphale could feel himself groan slightly in gratitude. The only light was coming from around the blinds as a scattering of lines across the shelves and floors. 

But wait. Crowley couldn’t be here!

“Crowley, what -”

“Just be quiet, Angel. I’m not leaving you here like this.” Aziraphale could feel the warning bells going off in his head at this response.

“Crowley, I don’t - I mean - Please don’t -” Crowley didn’t even attempt to cut off his rambling. He just stared back at Aziraphale with a stony expression while his glasses continued to obscure his eyes.

“You really don’t trust me at all, do you?” Crowley finally interrupted when Aziraphale failed to string together a full sentence. “When have I ever - and I do mean _ever_ \- done something you didn’t want me to do?”

Aziraphale looked back brokenly, his body overheating and his thoughts jumbled beyond comprehension.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry, only I don’t -”

“Just stop, Aziraphale. I’m not leaving. I’ll help you as any good packmate would. I’m not going to _force myself on you_ .” The flash of nausea across Crowley’s face when he said the words almost made Aziraphale hide his own face in shame. “And when you’re well, we’re going to _talk_.”

“Crowley. Crowley, _thank you_.”

“Don't. Just come on. Let’s get you upstairs.” Aziraphale could feel Crowley’s struggle to keep his touches impersonal as he allowed Aziraphale to use him as a human crutch. Aziraphale whimpered. As much as he was taught to fear the tendencies of the Alphas around him and their lack of control, he could feel his own control slipping away quickly.

Crowley’s scent was making him dizzy, and he was beyond himself by the time Crowley seated him on his tartan patterned duvet miracling the dust away beforehand.

“Where are your supplies? Aziraphale?” Crowley snapped in his face. “Angel, supplies. Where are they?” Aziraphale tried to focus and was finally able to comprehend what was being asked of him before shaking his head in response.

“Don’t have any. Didn’t need them.” Crowley swore before snapping various objects into existence including some that obviously had come from his own flat - such as the black comforter that was absolutely saturated in the demon’s scent. Aziraphale felt himself whine, and couldn’t even bring himself to be embarrassed as he buried his face into the softness of it.

“Hey.” Crowley had tentatively pressed a hand to his shoulder. “Angel, it’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay. I promise. I’m not going anywhere, and nothing is going to happen to you. I’m going to go get some water to bring in here for you, and you are going to drink it and then try to sleep through as much of this as you can. Okay?”

Aziraphale breathed deeply through his mouth before nodding shakily and watching Crowley make his way through the bedroom door before turning towards his tiny kitchen.

Looking down at the other items Crowley had provided for him, he couldn’t help but feel mortified. He hoped beyond hope he wouldn’t need them, but he knew the likelihood of him getting off that easily was rather small. He was fortunate he could think straight at all. Apparently years of suppressants had taken enough of a toll on his body that a full-powered heat was physically impossible at the moment.

He could at least hope that Crowley would be kind enough to spare him utter humiliation and give him some much-needed privacy once he deteriorated to the point where the toys were sure to come into play.

Crowley came back into the room with a large glass of water, and Aziraphale tried to shoot him a small smile of gratitude.

“Drink this.” Crowley helped hold the glass to his lips to prevent any water from spilling onto the bed due to his own uncontrollably shaking hands before setting it to the side.

“Crowley, thank you.” Crowley sighed a bit before pushing sweat-dampened curls back from Aziraphale’s forehead.

“Stop thanking me. I could never just abandon you like this, angel. Even though I’m absolutely livid with you for letting yourself end up in such a state. You should have talked to me!” Aziraphale was having trouble keeping track of the words at all now and could feel himself drifting as Crowley continued to card gentle fingers through his short hair. Crowley sighed again. “What am I going to do with you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <33


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the wonderful reception! I hope you enjoy!

What followed was the closest thing to Hell Aziraphale had ever experienced outside of his short stint in Crowley’s corporation.

His body went absolutely haywire. It was as though it couldn’t decide whether or not it was prepared to go into a full heat or it needed to wait a little longer. It was tantamount to checking the temperature of one’s bathwater only to realize it’s too hot! So, a bit of cold water gets added, but wait! That’s not what we want either! And then water starts to overflow all over the bathroom floor.

He has dim memories of pushing his face into Crowley’s outer thigh and sobbing at one point. These are, quite frankly, memories he hopes will remain dim. He hasn’t even been able to look Crowley in the eye since he started regaining his senses the night before. He’s not even sure how many days it’s been since Crowley first helped him up the stairs.

The toys looked mercifully untouched, and he suspected the heat had indeed ravaged his body badly enough that he was unable to have all of the bodily reactions Omegas come to expect.

Aziraphale can sense Crowley starting to get antsy. He’d helped the angel to the shower earlier before leaving him to wash himself of sweat and grime, but he’d been oddly quiet the entire morning.

Aziraphale had flashes of memories from his non-heat of Crowley’s voice whispering worried reassurances in his ear. He remembers fingers in his hair, and he thinks he remembers the other crying at one point in time, but he prefers to write that off as a fevered hallucination. Crowley? Crying? Unthinkable.

He’s sitting on his bed stalling at this point. Crowley had asked him quietly to join him at the kitchen table once he was done with his shower. The demon certainly knew he was out. The water had stopped running some time ago, but he was being kind enough to give the angel space to gather his thoughts and his courage. To be honest though, it was serving to make Aziraphale feel that much more guilty.

There was no sense in putting this off forever though, and Crowley deserved so much better. Gathering his courage, he walked into the kitchen only to almost immediately turn back around and return to his room. Crowley had an empty coffee pot sitting by his elbow and a mug at his lips. He was staring unblinkingly at the doorway Aziraphale had just entered through. A simple plate of eggs and toast was sitting across from him with a mug of hot cocoa kept warm via miracle.

“Don’t even think about it, angel.” Aziraphale’s eyes snapped back from where they had started to drift and glance back over his shoulder. Obviously, his longing glance towards his bedroom had not gone unnoticed, and Aziraphale straightened his back before attempting to cover up his blatant desire to run.

“I’ve no idea what you mean.” Aziraphale lied as he gathered as much dignity as he could and walked slowly over to the table before taking his seat. Crowley had started tapping his fingernails irritably beside his now stationary mug and was continuing to watch Aziraphale carefully.

“Eat. You need the energy, and we need to talk.” Crowley’s words seemed carefully chosen, and in contrast to what Aziraphale could remember of the past however long, they seemed empty. “Why did you never tell me what you were?” Aziraphale carefully chewed a bite of egg - taking the time to mull his answer.

“I’m sure you have an idea, Crowley. And it’s likely right to an extent. I knew you were an Alpha and a demon, and well… It seemed foolish and unsafe to expose myself that way.” Crowley made a low wounded sound before responding.

“I see. And somehow in the 6 millennia we’ve known each other, I never moved past Cruel Alpha Demon in your eyes then?” Aziraphale choked in response. No, that was wrong! He hurried to open his mouth and tell the other so, but Crowley continued. “I’ve always done everything on your terms, Aziraphale. I’ve even had my suspicions from time to time about your Designation, but your smell never indicated anything other than Beta. And I always thought to myself _‘Now, Crowley. Your angel would never think such terrible things of you.’_ And yet.” Aziraphale startled at the possessive, but Crowley’s tone was utterly dead. His gaze had shifted from Aziraphale and locked on the ceiling. “I’d like to stay and make sure you fully recover, but you seem as though you’ll be okay. I’m sure you’ll understand if I take my leave.”

Aziraphale dropped his fork to the floor in his hurry to get out of his chair and physically prevent Crowley from going anywhere even though Crowley hadn’t yet bothered to move. The demon just frowned at him slowly.

“Crowley, please…!” Apparently, that was too much for the other who shot up to his feet with a scowl causing Aziraphale to take a half-step back from the sudden movement.

“Aziraphale, enough! I’m not going to stay somewhere I’m not wanted! I thought we were on the same page when it came to what we are to each other and what we mean to each other - especially after all of this End of the World business, but I can see I was wrong! I was never more than a means to an end for you!”

“Crowley, no!” The force of his own declaration shocked even himself, but Aziraphale could feel himself getting angry. “Stop jumping to conclusions, and at least let me explain myself! It was nothing to do with you -” Crowley scoffed.

“It’s not you, it’s me.” He interrupted sarcastically.

“- I don’t - It is though! Crowley, I lied to you! And I had no idea how to break that news. How do you tell the being you care most about in the entire universe that you’ve been lying to them since the day you met?” Aziraphale was breathing heavily and using the back of his dining chair to stay upright. “And not just that, but even as a Beta, you were constantly protecting me - even from myself! You put yourself in constant danger for me, yet I’m just supposed to tug on every protective instinct you have by telling you I’m an Omega?”

Crowley was staring at him open-mouthed.

“I’m who you care about most in the universe?” Crowley whispered, and Aziraphale couldn’t help bringing up his free hand and slapping it over his face in exasperation.

“Crowley, if you want to leave after breakfast, I won’t stop you. But, please. Can we finish eating and have an adult conversation first?” Crowley observed him critically before slowly taking his seat once more.

“I… Okay, angel.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crowley basically wants to grab Aziraphale and shake him. Can't blame him, tbh.

After his outburst, Aziraphale couldn’t help but eat his remaining breakfast as slowly as possible to avoid the coming conversation, but all too soon, the two of them were seated on his old couch holding two glasses of wine in uncomfortable silence.

Aziraphale was shifting. He had no idea how to begin to explain himself beyond the bare basics he’d practically shouted at the demon a while before, and Crowley seemed to be having trouble even meeting Aziraphale’s gaze. He’d put on his sunglasses, and his face was pointed away from the angel as he swirled his wine.

“So…” Aziraphale began. He saw the corner of Crowley’s mouth turn downwards, and he just knew the demon was restraining himself from mocking Aziraphale’s sad attempt at starting a conversation. It was purely a defense mechanism, but it would do neither of them any good at this point in time.

Crowley’s hot temper often got the better of him, however, he rarely lashed out at Aziraphale when it happened - a couple of the rare exceptions having been during the Non-Apocalypse. Crowley’s temper could be bright and fierce though he tended to straighten himself out fairly quickly. It was a bit like a bottle rocket that way - soared high leaving a trail of sparks behind it, exploded in flames, then fell gently back down to Earth.

Aziraphale cleared his throat and continued. “So, I just want you to know before we go any further that me hiding this from you never had anything to do with me trusting you. Well, it did… But not since the beginning! I promise! I just had started lying, and I didn’t know how to stop lying without telling you I had been lying all the time before that. And I just knew that if I told you that you’d be furious with me, and oh! I just couldn’t bear it -”

“Angel...” Crowley interrupted.

“- if you chose never to speak to me again. Which I would entirely understand. You’ve always -”

_“Angel!”_

“- been so upfront and good to me, and then for me to do something like this. I just -”

“Aziraphale, enough!” Crowley finally raised his voice loudly enough to shock Aziraphale from his rambling and cause him to look over at the demon disapprovingly.

“Well, dear boy. There’s certainly no need to shout.” Crowley snorted in response.

“Apparently, there is. I get what you’re saying, Aziraphale. And while I’m certainly not saying it was okay or Hell forbid that I _forgive you,_ ” The demon shuddered. “I do understand what you’re saying. However, I certainly do not understand you keeping it a secret at this point to the detriment of your own health and safety! Did you honestly think I’d care more about the fact that you’re an Omega than the fact that you were about to go into heat entirely unprotected and for the first time in _six thousand years?_ Do you have any idea how long you were under, Aziraphale?” Aziraphale blinked.

“Err. A few days I had assumed.”

 _“Nine days.”_ Aziraphale reared back in shock. “And some of what you were saying at the height of it was frankly appalling. You were _begging,_ Aziraphale. Begging people I had never heard of not to kill you. Begging me when all you saw was an Alpha to _knot_ you. Begging God to end you so you wouldn’t have to deal with the pain of it anymore! Do you have any idea what it did to me seeing you that way!?” Crowley’s chest was heaving by the time he reached the middle of his rant, and Aziraphale was staring wide-eyed and stunned trying to think of a response. “You didn’t trust me with not only your Designation, Aziraphale. You didn’t trust me to _help you._ I thought we were beyond that.”

“We are -”

“We aren’t.” Crowley cut him off. “And after everything, angel… I just don’t understand it.” Crowley reached over and placed his empty wine glass on the table next to him before continuing. “You have to know that I would do anything to keep you safe. You have to. There’s no reason this would be any different. I did everything for you even when I thought you were a Beta, and I heard you earlier when you said you didn’t want me in more danger. However, there was never any question that between my life and yours, I’d always choose you.” Aziraphale made a wounded sound but didn’t try to interrupt. “Here’s what I don’t think you understand, Aziraphale. I don’t _care_ about your Designation. You could be an Alpha for all I care - though I have to say you’d be an odd one - you could still be one, and I’d continue put you above everyone else! Because you’re still you, Aziraphale! All you’ve done is hurt yourself, hurt me, and ensure you haven’t gotten any of the proper attention and care you _need_ as an Omega.” Crowley held up a hand as Aziraphale opened his mouth to object. “I would think going through a _withdrawal heat_ would make it clear how much of an answer suppressants are _not.”_

Aziraphale couldn’t help himself.

“A withdrawal heat?” Crowley made a sound like a dying animal at the question.

“You don’t - You just - I - Argh! No, you know what? I’m too angry to be here right now. I’m going home, Aziraphale. You can call me if you need me, but _only_ if you need me. I’ll come back tomorrow after I’ve had some time to breathe.”

Aziraphale hadn’t even come close to forming a sentence by the time Crowley had walked out the back door and slammed it behind him.

The roar of the Bentley was unmistakable as it pulled away, and all Aziraphale could do was remain seated with his half-full glass of wine and stare at where the demon had been sitting a moment before.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bottle rocket, remember?

Crowley cursed repeatedly under his breath as he screeched to a halt and threw the Bentley into park. He felt terrible about leaving Zira so soon after his heat, but needs must. He had never before wanted to punish Aziraphale for his own ignorance.

Then again, usually it was innocent. Crowley knew this was anything but. Aziraphale had access to the information if he had only chosen to seek it out. He avoided it for a reason. What that reason might be, Crowley surely did not know.

What purpose could it possibly serve to turn your head away from important information about your own health. If the information had been available only in Heaven, maybe Crowley would understand more. He knew they’d had some ridiculous views when it came to Omegas and sometimes even Betas distracting themselves from the flock with things such as “learning” back when he'd been stuck up there. It was why it hadn’t surprised him when Aziraphale had become so fascinated with knowledge on Earth. However, he would have had to sign consent forms to be put on suppressants strong enough to cause such extreme withdrawal. And the humans had discovered a fair bit about the differences in the various Designations at this point as well.

Crowley was under no delusions that Aziraphale had to have come across a book or a hundred specifically focused on that topic alone just in the time he had been running the shop. Had he never opened any? _Why?_

Did he really think suppressants were a long-term solution? Even humans knew suppressants were only to be used in the short-term. Generally when an Omegas body was stressed trying to heal itself from traumatic injury and couldn’t handle the influx of hormones. Omegas became _addicted_ to suppressants. Crowley was certain that it was solely because Aziraphale was in fact an angel and not as fragile as the humans that he was able to survive the constant usage. A human would have been dead after the first four or five doses.

Aziraphale needed an intervention. And if Crowley were being completely honest, probably supervision as well - at least until he chose to take proper care of himself.

Crowley scowled at the mister in his hand and then at the shivering plants around him. “I certainly can’t bring him here! Look at you all! Pathetic! Nowhere NEAR good enough to impress an angel who guarded the Garden of Eden!” Scowling harder, Crowley strode from the room before tossing his mister to the side and sprawling across his couch and staring at the ceiling.

He was going to sleep. He was going to sleep, and then he was going to go back to the bookshop tomorrow to calmly and rationally explain to his angel why exactly chemically altering your biology was fundamentally stupid. Then the demon was going to make sure Aziraphale was taken care of.

Crowley frowned at his own thoughts. His angel was _not_ stupid. None of this made sense... He wanted answers, but Aziraphale’s health came first.

And yet... And yet Crowley hadn’t stuck around to make sure his angel would be okay. His temper had gotten the better of him. Crowley whined low in his throat. He needed to go back.

He _had_ to go back! He had to go back, and he would stay with Aziraphale whether Aziraphale wanted him there or not. Crowley’d left him vulnerable!

The demon could feel himself starting to panic as he scrambled back to his feet. What had he done? What kind of Alpha was he!?

Suddenly, all of the logic that told him to leave the bookshop before he attempted to discipline the angel was gone along with the anger. All that was left were his instincts. His instincts that were suddenly screaming at him to get back to the bookshop.

To get back because something was _wrong_.

If he miracled himself and his Bentley over to the bookshop and expended a not inconsiderable amount of energy doing so, there was no one around to call him on it, and he burst into the bookshop yelling out Aziraphale’s name in a panic.

He could hear the quiet sobbing coming from upstairs, and he ran up quickly to find Aziraphale exactly where he’d left him hours before when the sun was still up. The angel's half-full wine glass was off to the side and his knees were pulled up to his chest. Crowley had never seen him so small. Aziraphale was not meant to _be_ small.

Crowley quickly walked over and placed a hand on one of the angel’s shaking shoulders causing him to startle and look up at the demon with a wet face.

Oh Satan, Crowley had really done it now. Aziraphale was crying! Aziraphale was not supposed to cry! Crowley had made it one of his goals long ago to prevent that from ever happening, and now the angel was crying because of _him_.

“Zira, angel, please. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have left. Why are you crying? Please don’t cry?” Crowley continued to babble as he wiped the tears from the angel’s cheeks and pulled the angel's face into his own thin chest. Aziraphale started shaking his head where it was placed against Crowley’s chest but made no attempt to pull back.

“No, no.” He groaned. “Crowley, my dear. My darling. Please. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t trying to hurt you. Crowley, please.” Aziraphale was sobbing again at this point, and Crowley just clutched him even closer - crooning comfortingly in his ear.

“No, angel. No. I shouldn’t have gotten so angry that I had to leave. I should have kept it together. We’ll talk through this. I promise. Shhhh.” Running his fingers through the angel’s short curls, he tried to block out images of doing this recently when he wasn’t completely sure Aziraphale was going to pull through. “I’m here. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”


	6. Chapter 6

Aziraphale couldn’t believe he was crying on his demon. Well, he didn't want to believe it would be the more accurate thing to say. How utterly pathetic Aziraphale must seem to him now.

Sure, the demon was comforting him, but Aziraphale knew that was bound to change once Crowley stopped being so wrapped up in his own instincts. The other had started peppering his sentences with the phrase “my Omega” in reference to Aziraphale and cooing, so it wasn’t too hard for the angel to see that Crowley was currently lost in himself.

Aziraphale _had_ to pull it together. The last thing he needed was Crowley more upset with him for ruining his clothes or something else just as ridiculous. Pulling back slightly, he raised his head again knowing that he had to look quite a sight if the hiss Crowley let out was any indication.

“C’mon, angel. We need to wash your face.” Aziraphale didn’t fight as Crowley led him to the bathroom and used a wet cloth to wipe away the tears and residue leaving cool, moist skin in its wake. “Aziraphale, look at me.” The angel obeyed blankly, and the demon let out a quiet moan of despair at the sight of his empty gaze. “Aziraphale, I need you to answer me, okay? Out loud. Are you here with me?”

“I…” Aziraphale blinked, shaking his head. “Yes, of course, my dear. Dreadfully sorry for crying all over you. Quite unseemly that.”

“Aziraphale, no. Angel, please. Look at me.” Aziraphale felt those familiar hands on either side of his face once more as his head was turned forcing him to look into Crowley’s uncovered eyes. “Don’t apologize. _I’m_ the one who should be sorry. Not only for getting upset and leaving you when you needed me but for verbally claiming you just now. I know you’re not my Omega.” Aziraphale hissed slightly at that - unused to the pain that lanced through his chest at the words. “What is it? Angel, talk to me. Are you hurt?”

“No, no. I’m fine. Everything is fine. It’s just - Crowley…” Aziraphale reached up to grab desperately at both hands on his face. “Do you hate me? For not telling you, I mean. For lying to you for so long. And dragging you into so much danger. I know you must, but I can’t help but hope the answer might be no.” Aziraphale could feel himself tearing up once more, and harshly shoved those into a sealed box in his mind. If he didn’t think about the tears, they obviously didn’t exist.

Crowley let out a pained whimper in response. “Zira, _no._ I could never hate you. I’m so sorry. I was upset because you were so ill, but that’s no excuse to be so short with you. I just - I don’t _understand,_ Aziraphale.” Crowley kneeled in front of the angel where he was sitting on the lid of the toilet and looked him dead in the eye. “Why did you ask me what a withdrawal heat was earlier before I left?”

Aziraphale blinked. “Well, I thought that was rather obvious, my dear. I’d not heard of such a thing before. I can reasonably assume what it might mean given the definition of withdrawal used in similar contexts, but -”

“Zira, stop. How could you not have heard of it? You would have had to sign all of those Heaven sanctioned forms before they even gave them to you. And you know _so much._ You hoard knowledge like a dragon with a pile of gold. The only way you _wouldn’t_ know something like this is if you _chose_ not to. I need you to tell me why, Angel.”

“Oh, Crowley…” Aziraphale looked at the demon sadly bringing their still connected hands to his own chest. “I thought it would be obvious by now, dear boy. It’s because I never wanted to be one.” Crowley was taken aback.

“You never… But, Angel. Even if you never wanted to be an Omega, you _are_ one. Why wouldn’t you want to know how to -” Aziraphale pulled his hands free before standing up and turning away.

“You wouldn’t understand, Crowley! You don’t know what it’s like! You get to swagger around and make your own decisions, and no one even thinks to try and take advantage of you. It’s a weakness, Crowley! Why can’t you see that!?” Aziraphale was panting slightly by the time he turned back around - pleading eyes locked with Crowley’s own. “And you know it’s true. I remember you once referencing having a mate as _‘dragging an Omega around’_ as though it were some sort of burden. And it is, Crowley! And I’ve never wanted to be a burden on anyone!”

“Oh, Angel. Aziraphale, no. You’ve never been more wrong.”

“I’m not wrong. You just don’t want to admit it’s true.” Aziraphale could hear the bitterness in his own words. “Even as a Beta, I dragged you down, Crowley. Heaven certainly never had any use for me. You’ve seen that with your own eyes!”

“Those wankers? Who cares what they think!?”

“I do! Or I did! I don’t know! Stop distracting me!”

“I’m not distracting you! How in Satan’s name did you _drag me down?_ You were the only thing that kept me going most days, angel. How do you not understand that?” Aziraphale blinked, startled as Crowley backed him against the door of the bathroom. “I’d have given up long ago if it weren’t for you. And I told you before that it had nothing to do with your Designation, and you know that has to be true or I wouldn’t still be here after six thousand years. You’ve made my life so much brighter just by being in it, and you’re killing yourself over what some backwards fools think your Designation says about _who you are!_ You’re _you!_ And the you that you are is better than any other soul who has ever existed, and that includes _Her!”_ Aziraphale gasped.

“Crowley!”

“Don’t ‘Crowley’ me! I know what I said, and She can smite me where I stand if she takes issue with it!” Aziraphale gaped. “You may not be my Omega, Aziraphale, but I do consider you one of mine. Not a possession. I don’t own you, but in a way, you are still _mine_ unless you choose not to be. You’re my best friend, my confidant, my packmate. So, will you let me help you?”

“I -”

“Yes or no, Angel.”

“...”

“...”

“...Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know some of what Aziraphale said wasn't addressed. Patience, dears. Patience.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Much needed clarification.

Aziraphale had no idea what Crowley meant exactly when he asked to “help” him. However, his positive answer obviously relieved the demon, and Aziraphale would never take back that affirmation or tarnish that relief.

But he needed to know. Which was almost funny when one considered how much effort he had put into _not_ knowing before.

“Only… Crowley, what exactly is it do you think I need help with?” He asked, and the demon threw back his head and absolutely roared with laughter.

“Oh, Satan! Angel, did you really say yes just to please me?” Aziraphale could feel his face getting hot but refused to turn his gaze away as Crowley grinned widely at him with adoring eyes. Aziraphale wasn’t sure he’d ever been looked at that way in the entirety of his existence.

“So what if I did! You’d never harm me, Crowley. I know that much if I know anything!” He stammered out defensively while crossing his arms over his chest. He was still backed up against the bathroom door with Crowley directly in front of him, and the demon was close enough to him that his arms brushed against the other’s black shirt in the process.

Crowley, however, seemed to sober a bit at his words.

“It didn’t seem that way at the beginning of your heat, Angel. I seem to recall you feeling the need to plead with me not to take advantage of you.”

“Crowley, oh! I know how it sounded, and I’m so dreadfully sorry, my dear. I just knew I was going to throw myself at you, and if I wouldn’t be able to keep my control, how could I expect the same of you!? Even the humans haven’t figured out when the Alpha is and isn’t at fault for that sort of thing -”

“They’re always at fault.” Crowley interrupted. “I can tell you right now, Aziraphale. All the nonsense about hormones is exactly that - nonsense. Alphas do still have control of our senses when around an Omega in heat. Some obviously claim they can’t resist - that they’re overcome. And it might feel that way because the temptation might seem so great, but it’s not _true_ . You’re completely vulnerable in that state, and regardless of anything you might say or do, you’re not capable of giving consent. You can give prior consent when in your right mind, but it’s like sleeping with someone drunk, Aziraphale. It’s rape. It’s only still a debate because there are disgusting beings out there who are more than happy to shift the blame onto the victim to save their own skin.” Aziraphale stared at the demon in shock as he backed away and gave Aziraphale room to breathe against the door. “What you were saying before about Omegas, it wasn’t true. You’re not burdens, Aziraphale. It’s just that society would rather you hate yourself than hate _it._ ”

“I had hoped after all this time things might have improved -” Crowley interrupted once more, this time with ugly laughter.

“Unfortunately not, Angel. It’s one of those things that rots a society from within and can never be truly eradicated. I remember a similar thought process in Heaven even before the War…” Crowley swallowed. “The occasional forced mating would be overlooked as the Seraphs would cluck disapprovingly then turn the other way. It couldn’t be helped, they’d all say. But that was a lie.” Aziraphale was surprised to hear Crowley speak so calmly about his time in Heaven but took care not to show it. It was a rare occurrence, and to hear him speak of the Seraphs without an inch of fear was mind-boggling to say the least. “Zira… when I asked you to let me help you, I meant let me help educate you. I don’t understand, and I’m not sure I _can_ understand why you hate your own Designation. I’ve never walked in your shoes. But I can still help make sure you’re taken care of.”

“Crowley, I can take care of myself.”

“No offense, Angel, but I’m not too sure I agree with you.” Aziraphale - quite frankly - wasn’t too sure he agreed with himself either. There was no telling how he’d have come out of this last heat without the demon keeping watch over him and taking care of his corporation. The angel shook his head to clear his thoughts.

“You shouldn’t have to though, my dear. I’m sure if I take the proper steps, and well, find some books perhaps…” Crowley’s lips twitched upwards seemingly of their own accord. Crowley seemed to be trying to give off a stern countenance and was being betrayed by his own mouth. Aziraphale had to stifle a hysterical giggle at the thought.

“Of course. Books. We’ll get you books, Zira. But there’s so much more that you need. You need companionship. You need comfort. You need to build a nest. The bookshop is practically one, but it’s open to the public. You could revamp this flat into a _real_ one. You need to _accept_ yourself, Aziraphale. I’m sorry you hate being an Omega. I am, but you’re _perfect_ the way you are. Designation means nothing, and I want you to be able to see what I see. So, let me ask again now that you’re more aware of what you’re agreeing to. Do you, Aziraphale, consent to being a member of my pack? Will you let me care for you and educate you and help you overcome any and all trials that come your way?”

“Oh, my dear. Of course I do.”


	8. Chapter 8

The first time Crowley had shifted in Aziraphale’s mind from Odd-But-Sort-Of-Friendly-Alpha-Demon to an Alpha Aziraphale could see himself relying on, he had still been Crawly.

And Crawly had not been able to comprehend or tolerate the mass drowning of children taking place because of the actions of a few. It was a side of the demon Aziraphale had not seen before but had seen many times since. It was a feral protectiveness that had him wrapped around a dozen children in the lowest, darkest area of Noah’s Ark in the form of a massive black snake - cloaking himself from the humans and letting out low hisses to warn Aziraphale away any time he got close.

The angel had been amazed that the other hadn’t lashed out at him entirely even though he’d done his best to come off as non-threatening. Crawly was expending quite a bit of energy keeping the children warm and fed and asleep when they weren’t eating, but Aziraphale got the feeling that the other would still be able to subdue him if necessary. Aziraphale had ensured that confrontation never had a chance to take place.

It was almost odd, and Aziraphale had to take a step back at the time and evaluate himself to make sure his suppressants were working as Heaven assured him they would. He should have felt capable of handling this demon. He was a Principality - Omega or not. He was ranked above even the Archangels though they preferred to dismiss that fact entirely. And he was a Principality in Title only. The demotion was more of a slap in the face than anything. Why She had decided that the Archangels would handle the administrative duties of Heaven, he’d never understood. But despite the apparent demotion, they couldn’t undo _what he was._ And what he was was a _Cherub_.

It had been Cherubs placed on the walls of Eden - Aziraphale the only Omega of the four. Two Alphas, a Beta, and Himself - though at the time he had liked to believe that didn’t matter. It had certainly mattered later, however, when the Archangels reached the conclusion that only the Omega would have been negligent enough to miss the Serpent entering the garden - despite Aziraphale telling them repeatedly that the demon had come from _underground within the garden itself._

So, he’d been demoted to a station apparently more suited for his Designation. What a laugh.

That wasn’t the point though. The point was that his power should have been more than enough to smite any ordinary demon which left him with the chilling fact that this demon was, in fact, no ordinary demon at all.

He had continued to keep a close eye on them throughout the voyage - to make sure the demon stayed put of course and didn’t cause any trouble. That’s what he had liked to tell himself anyway.

It was only after the voyage itself that he had started to become concerned about the children, and he scolded himself when he realized that he had automatically trusted a _demon_ not to harm them.

Then he felt himself flush guiltily when he realized that without that particular demon, every one of those children would have died.

He had watched the Serpent keep to the shadows and corral the children off into the woods. He had wondered what happened to them after that, but he had not had the courage to ask after them the next time he and Crawly crossed paths.

It was curious that an Alpha would take so much interest in children though.

Many Alphas in Heaven had seen this as lowly Omega work. Something to be done by the more "nurturing" souls among them. Aziraphale had thought that to be a load of poppycock, but he had known better than to say so out loud.

Being in the higher spheres had allowed him luxuries that many of the lower sphere and rank-and-file angels didn’t have, and he knew that. One of those luxuries was not being put on nursery duty. It wasn’t that he disliked children or the newly created angels who were still learning how to _be_.

He would just rather hide himself away in the library was all.

Raziel, a rather level-headed Beta, had taken a liking to him and allowed him access despite the Alphas among his own rank who had believed he’d be better served hanging on their every word and fetching forms for them like a secretary.

He’d never understood it. His power was equal to their own, but they’d decided that his Designation meant he was still somehow _lesser_.

And looking back, it seemed that was something he’d come to believe about himself as well.

Aziraphale blinked hard and brought himself back to the present where Crowley was observing him quietly.

“You left me there for a minute, Angel. Did you even hear what I said?”

“I - Sorry, my dear. I did not.”

“I said that the first thing that needs to happen is that you need to get a bit more rest. And considering you’re starting to zone out on me when I speak, I can safely assume that I’m correct. Go to sleep, angel. We can talk more in the morning.”

“Yes, yes. You’re right of course.” Aziraphale reached behind himself clumsily trying to open the bathroom door, and was finally able to escape after turning the knob. Crowley - the Alpha who rescued children... “Crowley, my dear. May I ask you something?”

“Of course, Angel. What is it?”

“The Ark…” Crowley’s eyes sharpened. “Those children. What happened to them?”

“Those children…” Crowley repeated quietly. “Why do you want to know?”

“I always wondered. I just wasn’t sure how to ask…” Crowley gave a bitter smile.

“I raised them.” Aziraphale blinked, astonished.

“You what?”

“You heard me, angel. I raised them. They were mine. A pack of humans almost - though I didn’t dare do much more than check in on them and their children once they’d become adults. And I suppose I did a fairly decent job raising that lot on my own - at least, She must think so. Because I never have come across any of them in Hell.”


	9. Chapter 9

A small, stubborn part of Aziraphale would like to say that he was unable to get any rest. That he didn’t need it and that the revelations of the day had not drained him of energy.

That small, stubborn part of Aziraphale was crushed by the overwhelming exhaustion that had him sleeping almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

That led us to now with the angel blinking blearily over the breakfast table at an oddly chipper Crowley with a terrible case of bedhead absolutely certain he must have heard wrong.

“I’m sorry, my dear. You want us to do what?”

“Go to the library!”

“Crowley, have you ever _been_ to a library?”

“Once or twice.” Aziraphale stared back unimpressed. “Look, Angel. It’s fine. You just show up, tell them what you need, and leave with free books!”

“Crowley, you need a library card to borrow books from the library, and they aren’t free for the taking! You have to return them!” Crowley grinned.

“Do I now?”

“Crowley! Don’t even think of stealing them!”

“Oh, lighten up, angel. If you had books on the subject _here_ , we wouldn’t even need to go.” Crowley had put up a sign on Aziraphale’s bookshop door closing it for the foreseeable future right after settling him in for his heat, so at least that was one thing he wouldn’t have to worry about. However, the demon had been less than impressed when Aziraphale admitted that he avoided holding on to books that focused on Designations.

_“Tell me why, angel. You have books on literally everything. Don’t even get me started on the Bible collection. But a book on Omegan Biology is too much for you.”_

_“I think I know enough about my own biology, thank you very much! What would a human have to teach me that I hadn’t learned millennia before they even came into existence.” Crowley had looked unimpressed._

_“Well, you’d have known what a withdrawal heat was for one.”_

_“Oh, would you stop harping on that?”_

_“No, I will not.”_

“I know you’re not fully up to going just yet, but sometime over the next few days, it's happening. So, go ahead and get used to it.” Crowley continued as Aziraphale brought himself back to the current conversation.

“Crowley, you can’t actually just order me about, you know.”

“Well, technically…”

“Don’t you dare!” Crowley rolled his eyes - though it would be more accurate to say he rolled his entire head - before continuing.

“Relax, Zira. Are you really trying to tell me you have a problem with going to a building full of books to get books you haven’t read, so you can come back here, bury yourself in them, and pretend I’m not hovering around you like a mother hen?” Crowley looked at the other expectantly, and Aziraphale had to bite back the defensive ‘If we’re getting those books, then yes!’ before responding. 

“Well… I -”

“I bet you even have a library card!” Aziraphale stubbornly kept his mouth shut and glowered before stabbing his fork into the pancakes in front of him. “Aha! I knew it! We’re going.” Aziraphale huffed through his nose while chewing. “Aziraphale…” Crowley said, suddenly much more serious than before. “I want to ask you something, and I want you to be honest with me.” Aziraphale swallowed and put his fork down before signaling the demon to continue. “...What did Heaven tell you about the suppressants you’ve been taking.” Aziraphale looked at him critically for a second while pulling his thoughts together.

“It was actually Gabriel who pitched the idea.” Crowley snorted but didn’t interrupt. “He said I should consider it even more than most because I’d be spending extensive time down here, and it was a way to make sure I’d never be caught at my most vulnerable. Could you even imagine it, Crowley? Me falling into heat or even just attracting the wrong kind of attention and then having to be helped by those supercilious you-know-whats because I’m too far gone to defend myself!? I couldn’t bear the humiliation!” Aziraphale could see Crowley’s jaw clench as he fought not to say something and knew it was probably something along the lines of how he could have helped.

“Did they tell you the effects it would have on you long-term?” Aziraphale glanced to the side.

“Well, they gave me some information to review before I consented, but I…”

“Zira…” Crowley groaned.

“I was ready to leave! And it seemed too good of a deal to pass up! So, I signed the papers. I wanted to stop looking at Gabriel’s condescending face. He’d have probably kept me there until I agreed anyway. Would have tried to say it was too dangerous to station me here otherwise.”

“So, you were basically coerced…”

“What, no! I wasn’t!”

“Well, you just admitted you probably wouldn’t have been able to leave until you agreed, sounds like coercion to me.”

“I’d have probably agreed anyway, Crowley! Heats are a nuisance, and that withdrawal heat was terrible, but was it worth six thousand years of peace? Yes!”

“You unbelievable fool…” Crowley growled before standing up and circling the table to loom over him. “You don’t get it at all, do you? This wasn’t just a worse heat. You almost died, Aziraphale! If you were human, you’d have died long ago! It will be a literal miracle from Her if you can still conceive!” Crowley was shouting at this point, and Aziraphale was staring back wide-eyed. The demon ran his hands down his face in exasperation and took a deep breath before continuing. “They worsen your senses, dull your power, wreak absolute havoc on your reproductive system, and slowly kill you from the inside. Do you understand the kind of danger you put yourself in, angel? Do you?”

“My dear, I -”

“No, Zira. You don’t get to brush this off. Listen to me. _Hear what I am saying._ I want you to promise me you’ll never take them again. No… Not promise. I want you to swear an oath to me as your Pack Alpha that you’ll not use them again. I swear I’ll never leave you vulnerable, Zira. I’ll make sure you’re taken care of always. Just swear it to me, please. I’m begging you!”

“Crowley, darling. Please stop.” Aziraphale could hear the thickness of his own voice as he reached forward to where Crowley had collapsed to his knees in front of him. “I’ll swear it. Crowley, please.”

“Oh, Go- Sa- Anybody. Angel, _thank you._ ”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every fifth chapter is apparently going to be a Crowley chapter. Whoops.

Needless to say, Crowley had never actually _had_ a packmate swear an oath to him before.

Though if he were being completely honest, he hadn’t had many packmates. They had all been human and therefore tragically temporary.

He’d never quite fit in when he was in Heaven, and he certainly never trusted anyone or fit in while he was in Hell. And if he were being truthful, he not only didn’t want to join a pack; he had never wanted to form his own before Aziraphale. No one was interesting or trustworthy or _good_ enough for him to want to take them under his wing - or wings as it were.

Like a certain angel had said once before in very different circumstances, Crowley had _standards_.

But just because he had never had someone swear an oath to him didn’t mean he didn’t know how it was done.

The problem came in seeing Aziraphale on his knees in front of him with his forehead pressed to the floor, flares of energy and flashes of his real form spiraling around him as he spoke the words.

It made the demon feel sick to have his Angel in such a position, but it felt so absolutely necessary. If it was Aziraphale’s life or having him bind part of his will to Crowley’s, well, so be it.

Discorporation would be a problem on its own, but Aziraphale no longer existing? The thought was intolerable.

He could feel where part of his own demonic aura was intertwining with Aziraphale’s angelic one and let out a low hiss at the pleasure it brought him. The angel’s multiple wings and eyes were swirling in and out of existence, and Crowley could feel his fangs lengthening as his vision changed slightly. The air around the two of them was pulsing, and Aziraphale finally stopped speaking as things began to settle. Crowley could feel his features shifting and coming back under his control once more.

Aziraphale was panting on the floor and whimpering slightly where he hadn’t yet moved, and it was no hardship to see the toll the oath had taken on him. Crowley winced slightly thinking that he probably should have waited until Aziraphale was more healthy before pushing him into this, and he dropped to one knee in front of the angel before pulling him to his chest and brushing back the sweat-dampened curls from his flushed face.

Aziraphale was beautiful like this - though Aziraphale was beautiful always. In any form and in any corporation - Aziraphale was beautiful. The demon couldn’t believe the sheer amount of awe he felt at just being able to hold the angel like this - that the angel had trusted him enough to bind himself in even just a minor way. It certainly wasn’t anything as serious as a mating bond, but the trust it exhibited… Crowley could feel the small part of him that had been damaged by Aziraphale’s lack of trust when it came to sharing his Designation or warning him of his upcoming heat heal itself somewhat, and he pulled the angel closer.

“I don’t plan to ever let you go, you know.” Crowley whispered. “It’s you and me. There’s no denying it this time, dove.” He could feel Aziraphale’s hand clench his shirt tight in his fist.

“It was you and I last time, my dear. I was just too stubborn to admit it.” Crowley’s heart jumped at the response, and he tilted the angel’s face upwards looking into the slightly dazed gaze before standing up slowly while supporting the angel’s weight.

“Let’s get you back in bed.” The angel snorted.

“It seems as though that’s where I spend all my time, Crowley. At least let me sit on the couch for a while.” Crowley sighed and seemed to be deliberating before changing course slightly.

“Fine. But no wine.” Aziraphale pursed his lips.

“Hot cocoa. And Wilde.”

“Hot cocoa. And a Wilde _film_.”

“Crowley, I want to read. And I don’t own a television.” Crowley snapped his fingers.

“You do now.”

“Really, dear? Why can’t I read a book?”

“You’re going to fall asleep within the hour, Zira. You might not feel just how close you are, but I can sense it. If you spill cocoa on one of your precious first editions, I’ll never hear the end of it. We’re watching a film.” Aziraphale rolled his eyes.

“Yes, yes. Fine. Just let me sit.” Crowley lowered him to the sofa he’d found him curled up crying on recently and winced at the reminder. “Crowley, seriously. That television is dreadfully out of place.”

“We don’t have to keep it, Aziraphale. And when you start turning this into a nest, I’m sure you’ll throw it out first thing, but for now, please don’t fight me.” Aziraphale sighed in response before settling in.

“Yes, fine. Cocoa?” Crowley rolled his eyes.

“I’m going.”

He wasn’t in the least bit surprised to walk back into the room with a steaming mug only to realize Aziraphale had fallen asleep under a throw blanket as the beginning of _The Importance of Being Earnest_ played in the background.

Crowley let out an amused huff before snapping away the mug and walking over to curl an arm under the angel’s knees and another behind the angel’s back before lifting gently.

Aziraphale really needed to learn how to listen to his own body. Crowley had to admit though that the angel wouldn’t truly be himself if he were any less of a stubborn brat.

And Crowley adored Aziraphale as he was. Why try to change him now?

After lowering the other into his recently occupied bed, and pulling his own comforter up to his chin, the demon took the chance to really look at the angel.

He spread his senses and sought out every diseased part of Aziraphale’s form. He had been a healer once.

He wondered if he could be one again.


	11. Chapter 11

“Crowley, you really don’t have to come in with me.”

“Aw, come on now, angel! You don’t want to introduce me to all of your library friends?” Aziraphale grimaced before taking a breath and pushing open the front door.

“Oh, Mr. Fell! Welcome!” An older lady called out a low greeting, and he shot her an anxious smile in return before continuing past her to where rows and rows of adult non-fiction books loomed.

“Aren’t you going to ask for help?” Crowley asked at full volume. Aziraphale winced as the demon’s voice echoed through the building before shushing him and glancing around wide-eyed only to meet the raised eyebrow of the Reference Librarian.

“Crowley, keep your voice down! You’re making a scene!” Aziraphale hissed. The demon just rolled his eyes in response. “Besides, I know where to go. I don’t need help navigating a library, unlike _some_ people.” Aziraphale’s pointed look made it clear what group Crowley would be counted amongst. He reached over unconsciously and grabbed Crowley’s wrist before dragging him towards a specific section near a small group of university students who seemed to be trying to puzzle their way through a math problem. “The health section is here.” He continued lowly, looking around to make sure no one was paying them too much attention. Crowley didn't respond, and Aziraphale looked over to see him looking at his wrist critically.

"Crowley, my dear?" The demon jumped.

"Oh! Yeah. Right." Crowley turned and started looking over the spines critically. His eyes seemed to skim over them fairly quickly for someone who claimed he “doesn’t read books”, and Aziraphale scowled as the demon’s eyes seemed to lock on to what he had been searching for.

He pulled out a thick hardcover book bound like a textbook that was specifically focused on Omegan anatomy. Aziraphale stared at the cover of the book where he could see the various inner systems of the human body before giving Crowley a deadpan expression.

“Crowley, you do realize I am not actually a human, do you not?” Crowley rolled his eyes before giving the book an unsure expression and pushing it back into place and scowling.

“Well, what do you suggest?” Aziraphale startled at having been asked. He had halfway expected Crowley to brush him off as other Alphas had before. He felt a bit guilty now that he realized it - though he knew that line of thinking wasn’t his fault.

“Something like this,” Aziraphale responded before glancing over and reaching for a nearby book titled _Pharmacology in Omegan Health_. Crowley looked over his shoulder at it as Aziraphale flipped through the book carefully and reluctantly. There was an entire chapter dedicated to suppressants, and he shut the book firmly before turning around. “Okay, let’s go.” He was starting to feel antsy and wanted to get out before anyone asked to assist him or noticed the book he had in his hand. Crowley frowned at him.

“You only want to get one?”

“One is enough for now, Crowley. Please.”

“Okay, okay, angel. Let’s go.” The demon shot the Reference Librarian a sharp grin as they passed her desk once more, and her lips twitched upwards as Aziraphale mouthed a ‘Sorry!’ at her from behind him.

The woman at the front desk who had greeted him on arrival didn’t even blink when processing the book and handing it back to him, so he could leave. Librarians were generally pretty open-minded, but there was no doubt she had sensed the change in him. Yet, she said nothing.

She was an Alpha. He’d always known, and while he didn’t come to the library often, he had endeared himself to the staff easily enough and knew they’d have remembered his neutral Beta scent. All she did was smile at him gently as he left. He’d have to remember to donate some of his less valuable editions to the library when he got the chance.

“Okay, Angel! We have a book! I’m going to drop you at the shop and then head to my flat for a bit.” Aziraphale went rigid where he had just sat down in the passenger seat of the Bentley, and for once it had nothing to do with Crowley’s driving.

“Oh?” He said feigning nonchalance. “Will you be gone long?”

“Nahhh. An hour. Maybe two. Just need to water the plants and make sure they’re behaving themselves as they should be. Then I’ll be back.” For some reason, this didn’t relax Aziraphale at all. What was this? He couldn’t go without Crowley for an hour!? 

“Crowley,” Aziraphale said tightly as the demon swerved around another pedestrian.

“Yeah, angel?”

“Do you think I could come with you to your flat?” Crowley did a double-take with his eyebrows raised in surprise before looking back at the road, and Aziraphale could feel his face flush. He may not have been fond of Crowley’s bare flat, but that was no reason for this kind of reaction.

“You wouldn’t rather I dropped you off first?”

“Honestly, no. I don’t know why, but the idea makes me rather… well... anxious, to be honest.” Crowley frowned.

“Of course you can come with me, Angel. I just thought you’d prefer some time alone.” He gripped the steering wheel before relaxing once more and throwing the angel a grin. “Just means it’s going to be a bit longer before you’re comfortable being on your own again is all.” Aziraphale didn’t respond.

It was embarrassing, really - how clingy he was being with his Pack Alpha. He could never remember being like this with any of the informal packs he’d been a part of in Heaven prior to the War.

And as a lone Omega on suppressants, he had felt no desire to be a part of another one. He was fine masquerading as a Beta without others joined to his hip at all times. He’d enjoyed the solitude and the peace his bookshop provided, and when he _did_ feel the need for company, Crowley always obliged him. Though the demon often sought him out before that need ever became apparent.

The demon had really been taking care of Aziraphale in a way without even realizing it.

Aziraphale rubbed at his chest gently and jumped slightly when he felt Crowley’s hand gently take his and link their fingers together between the seats.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I'm sure you all can see, I have no real update schedule whatsoever. RIP.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of fluff before Chapter 13. It almost feels like an advance apology for what's coming next. Err... Sorry?

Watching Crowley torment his plants had been a combination of amusing and horrifying, and Aziraphale was beyond happy to be back in his shop. Just being surrounded by all of his books and furnishings took a weight off his shoulders that he hadn’t even realized was there.

Crowley had kept frowning and shooting him considering looks when he thought the angel wasn’t looking. That hadn’t helped in the slightest, but Aziraphale didn’t let on that he noticed lest he learn something he wasn’t quite ready to learn.

He had to admit though that Crowley may have been on to something with that whole nest idea.

Crowley had made himself scarce once they’d returned and was in the kitchen hissing at the angel’s various appliances as he went about making dinner for them both.

Aziraphale, on the other hand, was having a staring contest with the cover of his recently checked-out library book.

It was taunting him. He just knew it.

He also knew that Crowley would give him that frowning look of disappointment if Aziraphale couldn’t bring himself to at least open that book before being beckoned to dinner.

He intensified his glare.

Maybe if he glared hard enough, the book would burst into flame.

The idea that he had been slowly poisoning himself because of his own ignorance and lack of backbone was embarrassing to say the least.

He knew that in a way, having him read a book telling him exactly what Crowley had already explained to him before was just a way to drill it all in. It was punishment. Punishment that would help him in the long run but punishment nonetheless. How was he supposed to argue and get defensive with a book?

A loud crash from the kitchen followed by Crowley quickly yelling that “Everything is fine, angel! Don’t come in here!” startled him enough to bring him back from his sulking thoughts and allow him a moment to sigh before reaching out and grabbing the book carefully.

He wondered if Crowley had only expected him to read the chapter on suppressants. That seemed almost blasphemous. Obviously, he would have to read from the beginning. Settling back with his book and adjusting his unnecessary glasses on the bridge of his nose, he opened the book and began.

He was able to make it through the first couple of chapters before a head of red hair appeared in his periphery over his shoulder to see what section he was on.

“Hmmm. Effects of sedatives on the nervous system. How positively fascinating.” He jested. Aziraphale turned his head to face where the other was half laying over the back of his couch.

“Yes, quite.” Aziraphale responded tiredly. Crowley’s eyes sharpened on him at the tone.

“Have you learned anything of note?” Aziraphale shook his head.

“Nothing that would apply the same way to an angel or that I didn’t know before.” Crowley hummed.

“And let me guess, the more pertinent parts are further along in your book.” Aziraphale grinned sheepishly as Crowley shook his head.

“You can’t put it off forever, Angel. Take a break for now, and come see what I made you though.”

Aziraphale couldn’t put down the book and slide into the kitchen quickly enough, and what he saw made him have to fight to hold back a grin. It looked like a tornado had slid through his kitchen, but what sat on the table made it all worth it. Two plates of strawberry crêpes were in front of him.

“Crowley…”

“Don’t get emotional on me, Angel. They’re just crêpes.” Crowley was avoiding eye contact and observing his nails as Aziraphale took his seat at the table, and he slithered into his own seat once he seemed to realize Aziraphale wasn’t paying him any mind.

“Oh, Crowley…”

“What did I just say about getting emotional. Just eat your crêpes.” Aziraphale could feel himself looking at the other adoringly as the demon stabbed his own plate petulantly and seemed to continue avoiding the angel’s gaze with a flush.

“Crowley, I adore you.” The slide of Crowley’s fork across his plate screeched so loudly that both of them cringed as Aziraphale realized exactly what he had just said. He made a few nonsensical sounds in panic before realizing he couldn’t backtrack without _lying._ He did adore the demon, and there wasn’t much reason to deny it anymore.

Armageddon didn’t come to pass. Both of their sides were letting them be for the foreseeable future. They were a pack of two…

Aziraphale clenched and raised his jaw as he stared Crowley down deciding to silently dare him to say anything about his unwitting confession.

But Crowley was bright red and grinning, and he had brought up a hand to half cover his mouth as he met Aziraphale’s gaze.

“I adore you too.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are a little heavy. Just breathe though. It's all good.

Crowley was right in saying Aziraphale couldn’t put it off forever. It wasn’t like he could skip the chapters once he’d reached them.

He had understood everything Crowley told him. Regardless of all that had happened, Aziraphale was not actually a fool. However, that didn’t prepare him for the graphic imagery and information being presented to him in such an impersonal way.

He had - to be honest - thought Crowley was somewhat overreacting. That Crowley was probably just worrying a bit more because Aziraphale was someone important to him. That made much more sense than Aziraphale having been foolish enough to dose himself with toxic chemicals.

He had almost felt vindicated when he got to the section on suppressants - at least at first...

The side-effects had started off lightly enough.

_‘Flu-like symptoms…’_

_‘Tachycardia…’_

_‘Trouble breathing… Respiratory dysfunction…’_

But then it had escalated.

_‘Blindness...’_

_‘Dementia in later stages…’_

_‘Loss of nervous system function...’_

_‘Liver failure followed by multiple organ system failure and tissue death…’_

Until it eventually reached its conclusion.

_‘Death from bodily shutdown or internal bleeding certain at high doses…’_

Aziraphale had stared at the pages in shock, allowing his eyes to drift over the words multiple times. Some of this he knew hadn’t affected him or would have affected him differently due to his own biology, but it seemed to be a miracle in itself that he hadn’t at the very least _discorporated_ after a while of taking them.

Crowley had been sitting sprawled across the chair opposite him watching him read quietly, and the expressions on his face must have made it clear what he’d finally come to.

He glanced up at the demon before looking back down at the book. He hadn’t even started reading about withdrawal from the drug. It seemed one dose was enough to force a withdrawal in humans, and administration of suppressants was not recommended unless a life or death situation demanded it.

This was one thing he _did_ have in common with the humans, and he steeled himself as he continued to read.

_A withdrawal heat is expected within 24-48 hours after a missed dose._

Obviously, his angel biology had helped him there as it had been months later…

_It is recommended that the Omega be strapped down for their own safety as well as the safety of those around them. This heat will push them beyond any ability to make sound or rational decisions, and they will push themselves on to any Alpha in this state regardless of previously established mating bonds._

_Withdrawal heats in general last longer and are far worse than any heats the Omega would have experienced before. The symptoms can be compared to those of other drug withdrawals. There may be difficulty concentrating, tremors, exhaustion, depression, nightmares, etc. Please see Chapter 4 for a full list of possible drug withdrawal side-effects._

_The more serious problems for the Omega come with the combination of these side-effects alongside a physical heat. The increased levels and fluctuation in estrogen and progesterone levels generally lead to some of the more alarming visible symptoms seen during a withdrawal heat such as confusion, memory loss, fatigue, vomiting, fever, skin rashes, bleeding, and more._

_This is most often too much for the body to handle all at once, and the brain will begin to prioritize resources. As certain areas of the body begin to not be fed and the tissue begins to die, this often leads to infection and in some cases, death._

_While a withdrawal heat is more survivable than extended exposure to hormone suppressants, it should not be undergone without the oversight of a trained medical professional._

Aziraphale stared at the book for a moment before looking over at the demon who had chosen to move next to him and read over his shoulder.

Crowley was staring back at him.

“Do you understand now?”

“I don’t - I mean… Yes?” Crowley waited patiently for him to pull his thoughts together. “I mean, I understood before, but it’s a bit different to have it laid out like this in well… black and white so to speak.”

“Yes. That was the point in getting a book, Angel.” Crowley’s voice was a bit more stern than he’d become accustomed to. “It was pretty easy to see you were agreeing and making promises for my sake and not your own.”

Aziraphale marked and closed his book before setting it off to the side and turning to face the demon beside him.

“Would that have really been so bad, Crowley? I’d have still been safe, and I wouldn’t have had to read _that._ ” He shot a judgmental side-glance at the book.

“Yes, Aziraphale!” Aziraphale jumped at the volume. “What if something happens, and _I’m not here?”_

“Where else would you be?” Aziraphale interrupted, bewildered and dodging all at once. Crowley paused for a second and gave him an indecipherable look before clarifying.

“I mean if I were _gone,_ Aziraphale. Like totally and completely gone.”

“Well, dear boy! Where was I when this happened?”

“It’s hypothetical!” Aziraphale snorted.

“Seems rather ridiculous given if you’d ever be gone, I likely would be too.” Crowley growled.

“Enough, Aziraphale! Stop trying to derail! If I’m gone, you need to take care of yourself. I’ll never forgive you otherwise, do you understand? I care about you too much to watch you suffer.”

“Crowley, my dear…”

“No, Zira… That book was right, you know.”

“What?” Aziraphale asked, taken aback.

“You did throw yourself at me. Over and over and over again. I didn’t have to strap you down. No straps could be as effective as my coils when it came to keeping you still, but you did have to be prevented from leaving and finding another Alpha when I wouldn’t give you what you wanted. Is that a risk you’re willing to take?”

“Obviously not!” Aziraphale recoiled into the side of the couch and away from the demon as he responded.

“It’s not obvious at all, Aziraphale, because if I hadn’t been here, that's exactly what would have happened." The angel looked ill. “You’d have thrown yourself out into the streets until some Alpha took you, and I can tell you that based on what I could tell, you certainly didn’t have any _standards_ about who that might be. At one point, you babbled about finding _fucking Gabriel_.”

“Crowley, please.”

“ _No, Aziraphale_ . You need to hear this. You threw up everything that first day. You’re lucky your corporation doesn’t actually need to eat, or you’d have been in serious trouble because it was clear that you weren’t up to holding anything down. The hallucinations and the nightmares might have been the worst at the height of your fever. I told you that you begged people not to kill you and that you begged Her to end it for you. Did you know that you also asked _me_ to kill you, Aziraphale? Begged and pleaded. Told me that I was a demon, and that it was in my blood. Called me a coward when I wouldn’t do it.”

“Crowley, I’m so very sorry, my dear!”

“Aziraphale, I _don’t care._ Do you think I don’t know how absolutely out of your mind you were? I thought you were going to discorporate more than once. Do you think I asked you to swear an oath _lightly?_ What do you take me for?”

“No, no. That’s not it at all. I just know you have a habit of worrying, dear-”

“Aziraphale, I need you to understand how much danger you were in. How much danger you could be in again if you ever got your hands on more suppressants and thought it would be a good idea to take them so things will be more _convenient_ for yourself.” Aziraphale winced at how ridiculous it sounded coming from the demon’s mouth. “I just need you to understand and take care of yourself when I can’t be here to take care of you.”

“Crowley…”

“No. Don’t say anything. Just… think for a while.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so he thinks... a lot.

Aziraphale did as Crowley suggested, and he thought.

He thought about the crying he’d tried so hard not to think about before. He remembered the broken lines of _“Please, angel. It’s me, it’s me!”_ and _“Shhhhh. I’ll never leave you. You’re okay. I promise.”_ He had to wonder how much of it Crowley had actually said and done and how much was a fever dream of his own creation.

Then he thought about what Crowley told him.

He thought about Crowley transforming and wrapping around him to hold him still and keep him safe. He thought about how he would have had to stay with him constantly the entire nine days while he wondered if Aziraphale was going to live or die. He wondered what he would have done in Crowley’s place. Had he come across Crowley in a similar situation, he’s not sure he’d have handled it nearly as well though he’d certainly have tried. He thought about Crowley telling him that he’d babbled about _Gabriel_ and despite knowing that his mind was latching on to the thought of any Alpha in existence, he cringed at the mere idea. He thought about Crowley’s fingers running through his hair, wiping sweat from his brow, and shifting his pillows into place.

He mainly thought about Crowley.

Crowley, Crowley, _Crowley._

He’d known he was important to the demon, but he had never quite realized just _how_ important he must be for the other to go through so much just to see him safe.

And he _was_ safe. Despite everything foolish he’d ever done (i.e. bargaining with Nazis, walking unprepared into Revolutionary France, overdosing his body with chemicals that could destroy him, etc.), Crowley had always made sure he was safe.

If you disregard his attempt at telephoning God anyway...

Yet, during almost all of that, Crowley had thought he was a _Beta._

His Alpha protective instincts would of course be there regardless, but he had been treating Aziraphale like a pack mate since the very beginning. And one that he had some responsibility in protecting. He hadn’t decided Aziraphale had needed to be protected from everything including himself as though he were a fledgling or a human child, but he was there to protect and help lift him back up any time the angel stumbled.

All of this, and the demon hadn’t even known he was an Omega. Aziraphale was flabbergasted.

_Why would he do it?_

They weren’t packmates, and Aziraphale - despite knowing now how ridiculous it really was - had consistently insisted that they weren’t even friends.

And Crowley had _kept coming back._

He didn’t _understand._

He knew Crowley cared about him. It was obvious now - especially after recent events. But how did it happen, and why?

It wasn’t _just_ that Alpha drive to protect and claim an Omega. Aziraphale’s neutral Beta scent would have seen to that. Yes, he’d had Aziraphale make an oath, but he could have anyone swear such an oath - even a lesser Alpha within the pack.

He hadn’t taken advantage of Aziraphale.

He hadn’t claimed him.

He hadn’t forced the angel into anything he wasn’t prepared to do.

He’d only ever been there and kept him safe. And beyond keeping him safe, he’d kept the angel _happy._

Making him crêpes and taking him to the Ritz weren’t exactly necessary for Aziraphale’s well-being. Crowley did those things because he cared.

Aziraphale rubbed at his eyes. He was missing something. Something important was just there beyond what he could understand.

Crowley had been upset with him once before when the angel had refused his request for Holy Water. He’d been upset with him, and yet when Aziraphale miracled his way into the demon’s precious Bentley a scant hundred years later, he’d made no move to turn him away or lash out. He’d taken Aziraphale’s gift quietly and offered him a ride.

 _Aziraphale always came_ **_first._ **

He wondered if it was fair really.

He _was_ an Omega, and despite everything, he’d gotten a bit used to the neutral reactions to his Beta scent and the faintly condescending reactions to his Omega one. He’d worked those to his advantage during his time in Heaven before the War.

_Poor little Omega. Can’t do it, eh? Let me handle it for you._

Ha. Fools. There’s a difference between unable and reluctant.

But he didn’t _want_ to manipulate Crowley - even subconsciously. Was that was he had been doing? Was that why Crowley had continued to come to his rescue? Had Aziraphale hoodwinked him!?

No…

He just…

There was no denying it really. He just _liked_ being doted on, and Crowley had always seemed indulgent. He thought back to the paintball stain on his coat with a wince.

He wondered if he asked too much of the demon and Crowley would tire of him eventually. He may not be tired of him now, but maybe this recent bout with the suppressants had him near the edge.

Sure, they were formal pack mates now, but packs break up all the time. It’s not a concrete bond like a parental or mating bond would be.

He swirled the wine in his glass as he continued to gaze into the fireplace. Crowley had left him to his thoughts some time ago, but he knew the demon was still somewhere in the shop. He could sense him clearly.

But…

Maybe he was looking at this all wrong.

He was just so confused.

Did Crowley care about him in _spite_ of his constant neediness or _because_ of it or _what?_ He had a feeling though that Crowley would be irritated at him for even phrasing it that way.

Maybe the demon just _cared._ And Designation and personality quirks and random bouts of less than stellar planning weren’t enough to turn him off.

Aziraphale felt warm.

Maybe this was what it meant to have an actual friend.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crowley thinks too.

Crowley had first noticed it in the car. Aziraphale would bring his hand up and rub at his chest from time to time, and he had been working to figure out the exact cause.

And he thought he had it. Aziraphale wasn’t used to the desire for a mate. He couldn’t push it down or control it, and every time he was reminded that he was without one, it pained him.

Crowley would have been more than happy to fill that position if it were up to him, but of course, it wasn’t up to him. It was up to Aziraphale, and Crowley could distinctly remember being told he _goes too fast._ So, he was going to take everything at the angel’s pace and hope beyond hope that it all worked out.

He’d pined for the angel as long as he could remember. From the moment he’d broken rank with Heaven by giving away his flaming sword, he’d become an important part of Crowley’s entire existence. He was _different._ Crowley _liked_ different.

He had to wonder though how long Aziraphale was going to get random twinges of pain before he realized what the issue was, and he had to wonder if he would try to wrestle with his own instincts or if he would make himself available to mate. Though he didn’t know who Aziraphale might mate _with._ A human maybe? Was that even possible? Did he have other friends in Heaven he would consider? Crowley shuddered. The idea that Aziraphale would take a mate that wasn’t himself wasn’t something he enjoyed contemplating, but he knew that if that small likelihood ever became reality, he’d still be here for the angel as his Pack Alpha. He wasn’t going _anywhere._ Not ever again if he could help it.

But Crowley did want _more._

He had a feeling though that he’d scare the angel off or that Aziraphale would agree out of obligation, and that was the last thing Crowley wanted. Aziraphale _had_ to make the first move, or it would never work.

But would Aziraphale even think to do it? Crowley wasn’t so sure.

He supposed he was stuck pining from afar and hoping Aziraphale eventually landed on the same page he was already on.

Aziraphale had accepted far more than Crowley had ever expected him to though - if he’s being fair.

He knew a lot of that was because he didn’t want Crowley worried or upset. Aziraphale was always worried about others ahead of himself.

 _‘Oh, dear boy. I’m so sorry you had to witness my almost death. Let me swear this oath to you to make you feel better.’_ Crowley snorted at the thought and slunk further across the kitchen table.

He had left the other room to give Aziraphale time to think about everything, but he couldn’t just leave the bookshop entirely. He wasn’t quite sure what to do with himself though in the meantime, so he was doing some thinking of his own.

He had been practicing with his powers as Aziraphale slept and continued to try and get himself back to full-strength, and he had been shocked yet ecstatic to see some improvement in the angel’s aura. It was a miracle that his prodding didn’t wake the other completely, but then he had realized that his presence was such a constant in Aziraphale’s life that he must not have registered him as a threat. Even subconsciously. The thought filled him with warmth as he thought about where to go from here.

Hopefully, Aziraphale would understand the seriousness of what happened beyond how inconvenient it must have been for Crowley, so they could begin to move forward from this. The other really did need to build a nest. The pseudo-nest he had between his bedroom and the bookshop wouldn’t be enough to keep him truly comfortable, and the demon decided that would be the next thing he’d tackle with the angel.

He’d do what he needed to help the angel with said nest - to get him set up and comfortable and to make sure he had everything he needed to accept and be happy living openly as an Omega.

But then what?

He didn’t want to _smother_ Aziraphale, and sticking around at that point was bound to make it seem as though the demon didn’t think Aziraphale could _survive_ on his own. And despite Aziraphale’s mistakes, the angel was extraordinarily intelligent and quite capable.

Crowley couldn’t just continue to hover.

But they were packmates now, so what should he do?

Should he go back to his flat and give the other space as he had in the past? Just coming by occasionally to keep up their relationship as is? Did he see about finding a space for himself in the shop (assuming Aziraphale would even allow it) and moving all of his plants and his scarce belongings in over here?

At the end of the day, everything was up to Aziraphale.

The definition of their relationship. Where they went from here. _Everything._

Crowley knew what he wanted, but as well as he knew the angel, he couldn’t actually read his mind. He’d press the angel to get some rest and sleep soon, but tomorrow… Tomorrow, he was going to prod the angel and see about making some plans.


	16. Chapter 16

After his revelation the day before, Aziraphale just felt lighter. Everything seemed so much easier to handle knowing that Crowley would be right there beside him through it all.

And maybe the other would come to see the angel as burdensome, but maybe… maybe he wouldn’t. The angel hummed as he continued to rearrange the cushions he’d miracled into the sitting room of his flat. This had to be just right. Crowley had offered to leave and give him space to himself if he wanted to keep his nest completely private - even from him, but the question had seemed preposterous to Aziraphale. Who would ever be allowed in if not Crowley?

It was with this in mind that he situated some of the cushions under a window where the demon could sprawl and bask in the heat of the sun.

The other did so much for him. The least he could do was make sure the demon could spend time here in comfort.

He was also worried if he were being honest...

The bookshop and flat had never quite fit Crowley’s aesthetic. It was crowded - though comfortable in Aziraphale’s opinion. The exact opposite of Crowley’s spartan flat in Mayfair. He looked around at all the new soft material and wondered if it would end up chasing the demon away just because he’d rather be elsewhere.

He eyed the demon nervously before miracling a few of the pillows away causing Crowley to sit up immediately from where he had been lounging across one of the chairs.

“Why did you do that?”

“Do what?” Aziraphale asked distractedly.

“You know what.” Aziraphale bit his lip.

“Well, I… I was just thinking that if you’re going to be spending so much time here that this should be to your tastes as well, shouldn’t it? I mean, I wouldn’t want you to be uncomfortable, my dear.” Crowley snorted.

“Trust me, Angel. It would take a lot more than a few pillows to make me uncomfortable. Bring them back.” Aziraphale looked at him hesitantly and the demon sighed. “Angel, do you want me to leave?” The demon looked as though he was bracing himself for Aziraphale’s answer, and the angel quickly shook his head in response. Crowley’s shoulders slumped in what seemed to be relief.

“Then I’m not going to. I’ll be here as long as you want me here. I promise.” Aziraphale let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding before snapping the pillows back into existence.

“You will… You’ll tell me if it’s too much, won’t you?” Aziraphale asked worriedly.

“It won’t be too much,” the demon responded lazily.

“You can’t be sure of that.”

“I can,” he replied pointedly. “It’s your nest. It represents you and is meant to be a safe place where _you_ can feel comfortable. It can only be perfect. Nests are highly personal, Aziraphale. You know that. I’m honored you’re even letting me stay in here. I mostly assumed you’d kick me downstairs at the very least. Did you never build a nest in Heaven.” Aziraphale hesitated before shaking his head.

“Nothing ever felt… well… right,” Aziraphale said, “Surrounding myself with clouds and white pillows just wasn’t… It wasn’t me, I suppose.”

“No,” Crowley drawled. “It wouldn’t be. You’re much more interesting than that. I have to say though, Angel. You could have at least made the colors match. All this tartan is giving me a migraine.” Aziraphale scowled.

“It’s not too late for me to kick you downstairs, you know!” Crowley laughed.

“And yet, you haven’t.” Aziraphale’s scowl softened.

“No… I haven’t.” Crowley straightened a bit more in his chair before clearing his throat nervously.

“Angel, I… I wanted to ask you... I wanted to ask you how long you thought I should stay here with you. Here in the shop I mean...” Alarm bells immediately started going off in Aziraphale’s head. The demon was tired of him _already!_

“What do you mean?” He asked quickly. Crowley rolled off the chair and sprawled out on the floor in a beam of sunlight before focusing on the ceiling.

“I mean, once you’ve finished getting everything just the way you want it, would you like me to go? Or stay? Or what?” Aziraphale could feel himself getting tense. Of course he wanted the demon to stay! He had thought that’s what was going to happen from the beginning! Of course, he had been wondering if the demon would continue to sleep on the couch or if other arrangements would be made…

But should he _tell_ Crowley that?

What if the other only stayed because Aziraphale wanted him to! He needed to be careful with his response. He wanted Crowley to stay, but he didn’t want him to feel obligated.

“Well, my dear. I had kind of assumed you would be staying permanently, but… well, if you had other plans, I will certainly understand if you leave once I’ve finished here.”

“Yes! I mean, no! No, I didn’t have other plans! Staying here sounds perfect!” Crowley had sat up once more and had his head propped on his arms atop the coffee table. A grin was starting to stretch across his face as he watched the angel fiddle with a throw blanket and look everywhere but back at the demon.

“So, you’re staying then?”

“Yeah. Yeah, angel. I’m staying.”

Crowley adjusted to place his head in one hand and stared over at Aziraphale with his eyes on display. The angel could feel himself blushing as he turned back to his pillow placements.

The demon always looked at him as though he were a particularly tasty cake. It didn’t make any sense.

Hm. He wondered if Crowley could be persuaded to go and pick some up for him while he finished in here!

“Crowley, my dear…”

“Yes, angel?”

“How would you feel about a trip to the bakery?”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which they're sappy idiots.

In the end, it took Aziraphale almost three days to perfect his nest. There were pillows and cushions and blankets in crevices he hadn’t realized existed before, but they certainly needed to be filled now. Crowley had taken to lounging in various sunbeams and napping in between watching Aziraphale work.

The angel had asked at one point if he wanted his comforter returned just to get a _‘Nah, Angel. If you want to keep it, go ahead.’_ So, the demon’s comforter now had permanent residence on Aziraphale’s bed.

He’d thought of Crowley throughout the process of building his nest, though he’d tried not to make that obvious. He didn’t want to chase the other away even though he seemed to be perfectly content running off to the bakery and relaxing in the newly situated piles of cushions spread throughout the flat.

But one problem still remained.

Aziraphale rarely slept. He had been sleeping recently because he needed the extra energy to recover from his recent withdrawal experience, but Crowley slept regularly. His body had become accustomed to it, and the demon was sleeping on the _couch._

Which, quite frankly, seemed silly considering he had a perfectly good bed. Sure, they’d have to share until he was back to full strength, but… Aziraphale flushed. It would surely be better for Crowley in the long run to stop burying himself under layers of throw blankets on a couch that was almost as old as his shop itself and was quite heavily used. The bed was old, sure. But it was still like new!

“Crowley?”

“Hmm,” the demon responded from his place beneath one of the windows.

“Wouldn’t you rather sleep somewhere more comfortable in the evenings?”

“What do you mean?” He asked lifting his head slightly.

“It’s just… I don’t want you to be uncomfortable, my dear.”

“Do you think I should go home to sleep?” The demon seemed to be considering it, and Aziraphale had a moment of internal panic before he was able to quickly put together a response.

“No! It’s just- I mean- Wouldn’t you rather sleep in the bed? You don’t have to. Obviously. Don’t feel like I’m pressuring you. It’s only-”

“Aziraphale, wait. You’re sleeping in the bed. You want to take the couch?”

“No, I- Well, I rather thought we could… share?” Crowley sat up and blinked at the angel with wide eyes.

“You want to… share the bed…”

“Well, just until I’m well enough to get back to my usual routine, of course! Then you’d have it to yourself. I just hate to see you sleeping out on the couch night after night, my dear. It can’t be good for you!” Crowley just blinked again.

“You want us,” the demon gestured between the two of them, “to share.”

“What’s so wrong with that?” Aziraphale asked defensively. “We’re pack! I mean… aren’t we?”

“Yes! Yes, Angel! Of course. I just… never thought you’d want to do such a thing. But of course I’d love to sleep with you. I mean next to you! I’d love to share the bed with you at night while we sleep and do nothing else whatsoever!” Crowley’s voice was strangled, and Aziraphale gave him a bewildered look in response before grinning.

“Well, that settles it then, my dear. No more sleeping on that old couch at night. We’ll sleep together.” Crowley made a sound like a dying animal, and Aziraphale gave him a concerned once over.

You’d think he’d never shared a bed before.

Ah, well.

The demon had lived a rather lonely existence - not unlike Aziraphale himself. Sharing quarters was probably as new to him as it was to the angel.

“Angel…”

“Yes, my dear?”

“Thank you for letting me stay.” Aziraphale blinked.

“Why wouldn’t I let you stay? We’re pack, Crowley. We belong together.”

“Yes, well. It wasn’t that long ago that you were declaring we weren’t even friends,” the demon said somewhat bitterly. “It’s a nice change is all.” Aziraphale winced guiltily before going over to the mound of cushions Crowley had made his most current bed and lowering himself to lounge beside him and stare at the same blank ceiling the demon was focused on.

“I was scared, Crowley. Not just for me, you know. But for you.” The demon turned his head to focus on Aziraphale, but the angel kept his gaze pointed towards the ceiling. “They’d have killed you if they caught us together, you know. Either side. And you wanted us to leave together, and I just… I’m sorry, Crowley. For hurting you.” The demon was silent for a moment.

“They’d have had a hard time killing me, you know.” The demon said suddenly. Aziraphale turned and locked gazes with him.

“What do you mean?” Crowley grinned.

“You never asked me about my time in Heaven. Do you realize that?”

“Well, I mean. It seemed rude! Why would you want to talk about such a thing when you’d been thrown out? I could never!” Crowley laughed.

“I’m not upset with you for not asking, Angel. I’m just saying. You never asked. You have no idea who or what I was before you met me in the Garden that day. You shielded me despite knowing nothing more than I was a demon who could transform into a snake and had tempted your humans into biting an apple from the tree and gotten them expelled. You lifted a wing over my head and protected me from the rain. How many other angels do you think would have done such a thing? Not many, Aziraphale. If there are any at all. You weren’t afraid of me. You treated me as an equal. I didn’t have that in Heaven, you know. I was given quite a bit of deference, believe it or not. I never had a real friend before you.”

“I’ve never had a real friend before you either, my dear..." Crowley smiled at him gently.

"Just let it be known, Angel. If our sides ever change their minds about letting us be, I still have an ace up my sleeve."

"What do you mean?" Crowley's smile sharpened into a fang-filled grin.

"Zira, did you know that I have six wings?"


	18. Chapter 18

Aziraphale sat up in shock and looked down at the other who continued to grin.

“That’s not possible! You’d have to be a…” He trailed off.

“Yep.” Crowley popped the “p” sound at the end of the word indolently.

“But none of them fell, Crowley! We know that! They didn’t even participate in the War!”

“And yet, here I am.” Aziraphale scowled.

“Crowley, you aren’t making any sense.” The demon sighed and then lifted himself on to his elbows and raised an eyebrow at the angel. “Well, let me make it clear. I didn’t Fall during the War. I didn’t Fall with the rest of the demons who populate Hell. I didn’t even Fall in the same manner they did.”

“...What do you mean?” Crowley laid back down and tapped the area next to him signifying that Aziraphale should do the same. “Well, you know the whole Garden of Eden mishap?” Aziraphale snorted.

“Mishap, indeed!” The demon snickered.

“Well, I wasn’t a demon yet when I spoke to Eve…”

_‘It makes no sense,’ the serpent thought to himself._

_The serpent had no name. None of them did. They existed solely to worship Her and guard her throne. Yet, he couldn’t help but glance upon Them. The new creations she’d made a special little world for._

_The serpent was curious though he knew he shouldn’t be. He’d been reprimanded enough for questioning the word of God in the past. They were not meant to question. They were meant to obey. Well, if they were meant to obey, what was the point of giving them a sense of self in the first place. Why did the serpent even have the ability to_ **_feel_ ** _curious at all!?_

_These were not questions he should ask. There were no questions he should ask, and so they piled atop each other in his mind and began to rot._

_He glanced in at the favored beings in her so-called Garden and took note of the lower angels standing guard on each of the four gates._

_Various demons were sent to destroy the Garden or the beings that resided inside. All were easily sensed and dealt with by the Cherubim._

_The demons themselves were an anomaly to the serpent. They had free will enough to go against her and be expelled from Heaven._

_Yet, they had also been created to obey, hadn't they? He was beginning to think not._

_He knew the Humans were forbidden from becoming aware of the difference between good and evil by eating from some special tree._

_But why?_

_Why, why, why?_

_None of it made any sense!_

_It didn’t take long for the serpent’s curiosity to overtake him._

_The angels guarding the gates wouldn’t sense him the same way they would the demons. He’d be able to easily slip into the Garden and speak to the Humans._

_And well… he did._

_He changed into his favored form of a fiery serpent and tempted the female into eating from the tree._

_He did something directly against Her to satisfy his own curiosity, and he’d been cursed for it._

_She’d been angered, and She’d cursed him then to crawl on his belly for all time if that was the use he would make of the form She had gifted him._

_He’d Fallen then, though he hadn’t fully realized it at the time._

_He’d writhed and curled in on himself in agony in the middle of her precious Garden as God punished all those who went against Her._

_It wasn’t until the agony stopped that he realized what had occurred. His form had morphed back into one closer to that of a human, and there were scorch marks in the grass around him from where his burning wings had touched the Earth._

_He wanted to mourn then - but just for a moment._

_He was angry._

_He was only looking for answers, and She decided to forsake him._

_He was tossed aside so easily for something so small. He looked around for something to focus on that wasn’t the lingering pain in his wings and spotted one of the Cherubim on the Eastern Gate staring off into the distance._

_He scowled._

_What was that angel still doing here? It seemed the Humans had been thrown out or destroyed or something. They certainly weren’t still in the Garden with the serpent. He’d be able to tell._

_He switched back to his more favored form and slithered towards the wall. He was going to find out._

_The Cherub seemed nervous. He was wringing his hands and staring at where the Humans were fighting off a beast of some sort._

_So, they hadn’t been destroyed then._

_And then he spoke to the angel, and the angel spoke back! He spoke back to a recently cursed being and asked his name!_

_But the serpent didn’t have a name._ **_So, he gave himself one._ **

_Obviously, the angel had assumed he was just a demon that gave him the slip, so he fibbed a bit about being told to cause some trouble and wondered if he’d be able to slide into place as easily in Hell with the other outcasts._

_The thought almost caused him to scowl at the nervous angel, but he beat it down._

_And this angel… well, this angel was nothing like he’d ever seen before!_

_He gave away his flaming sword!?_

_Cherubim were gifted those swords by God. There was absolutely no way She didn’t know what had been done with it, and yet he hadn’t been punished._

_Just who_ **_was_ ** _this angel anyway!?_

“You weren’t… You tempted Eve while you were still an angel!?” Aziraphale was aghast and staring at the demon in shock where they were sprawled among the cushions.

“I did. And it wasn’t hard to slide into Hell unnoticed either. It was chaos at the time. No real hierarchy or sense of status. And cloaking my own abilities was easy enough.”

“Crowley… why didn't you…”

“Why didn’t I tell you? The same reason you didn’t tell me you were an Omega, I suppose. Didn’t fully trust you at first. And then didn’t quite know how. I also wasn’t sure you’d believe me without me unfurling all of my wings for you to see with your own two eyes. But I can’t do that _and_ cloak my powers. I didn’t want you to turn me away as a liar, and I didn’t want to put myself in danger by revealing who I actually am. Or was, I suppose.”

“And you had no name? Oh, Crowley…” The demon grinned slightly.

“None of us did. We weren’t meant to. We existed for a very specific purpose, and well… I was never very good at doing what I was told. Of all the Seraphim, I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who ever asked questions.” Aziraphale looked at him sadly before reaching over and grabbing the hand closest to him.

“Thank you for telling me.”

“No, angel. Thank _you_ for believing me.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alas, I got sick and wrecked my car, so this took a while to get out to you. Next chapter is a Crowley chapter though! ;)
> 
> (WreckedInTime is me. I am WreckedInTime. I got tired of switching back and forth between Ao3 accounts.)

He couldn’t help but be proud of it. It was  _ his. _ This entire space was  _ his. _

Crowley was in it lounging around, but he was only there because Aziraphale  _ allowed him to be. _

There was a part of him that knew Crowley could have intruded on his nest as his Pack Alpha without the angel being able to do much of anything about it, but he trusted the demon never to do such a thing.

And the demon trusted him in return. He couldn’t help but feel warm as he thought of what had been revealed earlier that day and how much faith the other must have in him to feel comfortable sharing that information.

A _Seraph_.

Both Heaven and Hell would kill to get their hands on Crowley if they knew. The power of a Seraph for Hell’s army would be nothing to scoff at, and Heaven would try to be rid of him with renewed desperation to prevent that exact thing from occurring. Their newfound peace would be disrupted at the very least.

Honestly, Aziraphale wasn’t quite sure how Crowley had kept it a secret all of these years...

He shook his head and looked down at his bed in thought.

He had enlarged it, and it had become softer as well. There was a virtual mountain of pillows that went around the top edge against the wall, and he allowed thoughts of finishing his nest to pull him from the earlier revelation.

It was almost perfect. His nest had everything he could ask for, but something was missing...

“Crowley?”

“Yeah?” Crowley’s voice was muffled from where his face was half-pressed into a cushion.

“Something’s wrong.” Crowley lifted his head at that.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean - something’s missing, and I’m not sure what.” Crowley’s eyes landed on him where he was continuing to stare at the bed before softening.

“Nothing’s missing, angel.”

“No! Something is! I can feel it!” He heard more than saw Crowley rise from his sprawled out position on the floor as the demon came closer to him.

“Aziraphale, can you describe what it is you’re feeling.” The angel rubbed at his chest before locking his eyes on the demon desperately.

“It hurts. It’s like a tugging in my chest, and I -” Crowley stayed silent as he watched the other’s thoughts catch up and reach the same conclusion he’d reached days before. “Oh.” Crowley reached out and tugged the angel’s hand away from his chest before interlocking their fingers and looking him straight in the eyes.

“It’s okay, angel. You get used to it, or you find a mate and the feeling goes away. It’s just not something you’re used to feeling anymore.” Aziraphale remained quiet for a moment.

“Do you feel it?” Crowley stared at him for a moment before replying.

“The desire for a mate? Of course I do.”

“Why have you never taken one then?” Aziraphale whispered. Crowley shrugged in response.

“There was never anyone I wanted. I had offers - both in Heaven and in Hell, but well… I’m particular I guess.” Crowley flashed him a quick grin before squeezing his hand once more and releasing it. Aziraphale let it fall back to his side.

“I never wanted one,” Aziraphale admitted quietly.

“Why not? It would have helped…” Aziraphale snorted.

“That’s always been the most ridiculous notion to me. Everyone talks about the mutual benefits of having a mate, but I don’t see how it’s mutual at all. Yes, we have an extra deterrent against other Alphas because of the bond, but we basically enslave ourselves to one single Alpha to obtain it. You trade away your freedom for relative safety. The Alpha gets what? A willing body and a bond through which he can drain his mate’s energy if needed? Do you know how many Omegas are admitted to the hospital every year because their mates decided they needed to work three nights straight or some other such nonsense and relied on their mate to do so? And that’s just with the humans. It’s even worse for beings like us, Crowley. How easily it would have been for an Alpha to drain me to increase their own power for whatever reason they saw fit. It’s barbaric, Crowley.”

“It’s not supposed to be like that, Aziraphale…”

“But it is! The Alpha controls the workings of the bond, and it’s always so one-sided… Even the thought of being bound in such a way makes me sick. I was lucky I had the rank I did in Heaven or I may not have even been given a choice. Forced matings in the lower spheres were frowned upon but not exactly uncommon - which you well know.”

“I know, Zira. Believe me, I know. But there  _ are _ benefits to mating if you find the right Alpha. Someone you can trust.” Aziraphale snorted and locked eyes on the bed.

“Well, since I’ve yet to find this  _ right Alpha _ , will you help me?” Crowley startled.

“Help you with what? I mean - of course I will, but what do you want my help with.”

“The bed, dear. We’re going to be sharing it, yes? I need to know if it’s right.” Crowley blinked in surprise. Aziraphale knew this was because you never asked anyone who wasn’t a mate for such a personal opinion about one’s nest. Crowley didn’t draw attention to it, however. He just turned and regarded the bed seriously before turning back and flashing Aziraphale a grin.

“Only one way to find out, angel.” And Aziraphale squawked as Crowley moved over and shoved Aziraphale on the bed before jumping up beside him.

“Crowley!”

“Mmm…” Crowley rubbed his face into one of the pillows before turning and locking eyes with the angel’s. “Smells like you.” Aziraphale shifted nervously as he straightened his clothes and turned to face Crowley more easily.

“Is it okay?”

“Zira, it’s perfect.” 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter of the day! <3

Aziraphale had skewed ideas on what it meant to have a mating bond. Crowley had caught on to this fact before, but he was only just now able to digest what that really meant.

Aziraphale saw the bond as unequal, and in some ways it was. Crowley knew that some Alphas shielded themselves from being drawn upon by the bond but felt free to draw upon the strength of their Omega. There was a general consensus among human scientists that this was done to avoid allowing Omegas to drain their mates dry during times of Heat.

However, it wasn’t meant to be permanently closed. Alphas had begun to abuse that power more and more over time. Crowley hated it and had always thought himself to be above doing any such thing himself. 

Blocking the bond like that was dangerous. It not only didn’t allow the Omega to draw strength if needed, it stopped the Alpha from being able to sense the Omega’s physical or emotional state. There were plenty of Alphas who were horrified by the very idea of such a thing.

Aziraphale’s words told him that his personal experiences with bonded Alphas said otherwise. Crowley looked at the sleeping face next to him. He hadn’t been able to help moving as close to the angel as possible once he’d fallen asleep. The room was dark - the curtains drawn to prevent letting in too much light from the streetlamps outside.

It had been funny to watch Aziraphale blush and fidget before steeling himself and going to get changed for bed. It seems he wasn’t as prepared to sleep next to the demon as he had believed he was. Crowley felt a bit vindicated by that after his less than smooth reaction to the offer earlier that day.

They had never done this before.

At least not like this.

In earlier times they had shared warmth and slept in communal areas when needed, but this sort of privacy - _in a nest no less?_ \- was unheard of between the two.

Aziraphale was breathing softly next to him. He was obviously still a bit drained from his recent Heat if he was sleeping at all, but the fact that he had fallen asleep so quickly said a lot.

One good thing about this though was that Crowley was able to continue his project with Aziraphale being none the wiser. He hadn’t wanted to get the angel’s hopes up only to let him down. He still didn’t. However, he thought he was making good progress overall.

The diseased portions of Aziraphale’s aura had shrunk, and the areas of his Heavenly form that showed internal damage seemed to have lessened in their severity.

He had never tried to heal someone from effects such as these. Suppressants hadn’t yet become mainstream when he was still in Heaven performing healing miracles, and he hadn’t tried using his abilities since his Fall under the assumption that a demon would certainly be unable to do so.

But it was impossible to leave Aziraphale to suffer if he could help it, so he had to try. He had been surprised when his power had jumped readily to his fingers, but he took full advantage of it and concentrated as he slowly wove his fingers into some of the darkened areas that hovered around his angel.

He tired of this quickly - most likely because he hadn’t used these abilities in such a long time. 

He hissed as one of his fingers became tangled in a particularly dark web before allowing his thoughts to wander again...

Crowley had to wonder if Aziraphale would ever be able to bring himself to trust an Alpha - whether that Alpha be Crowley or another.

Could he show Aziraphale that Alphas weren’t actually all malicious or out to take advantage?

Sure, some were.

But there were plenty who weren’t.

Crowley wasn’t…

Crowley would  _ worship _ Aziraphale if given half a chance.

Besides, Alphas were only able to form a mating bond once. It ensured that they’d do anything to protect their chosen Omega. In contrast, Omegas could overwrite an old mating bond with a new one if their partner were to die. Biologically, this allowed more beings with the ability to breed to remain within the population. Widowed Alphas generally were unable to breed after their Omega died - even without a mating bond. Their bodies turned on them as their mind damned their body as having failed in it’s duty. The flood of hormones released often ravaged the body and left the Alpha sterile.

Many modern Alphas didn’t bother forming mating bonds. They had relationships with Betas or more casual relationships with Omegas. Angels and demons were less liberal in Crowley’s experience, but things were changing. Mating bonds took a great deal of trust on  _ both _ sides, and though there were terrible Alphas out there, there were also terrible Omegas and Betas as well.

He doubted Aziraphale would get much good out of being told that Omegas could also be terrible though. The only thing that seemed like it would be able to make much of a difference would be if Crowley were able to  _ show _ him that there were Alphas that could be trusted.

The demon pulled his fingers back as Aziraphale’s eyebrows began to come together in discomfort. That was enough for one night.

He could feel sweat beading on his forehead, and snapped quietly to miracle it away. He wasn’t going to dirty up Aziraphale’s new nest.

Crowley felt full just thinking about it. Being allowed in the nest was one thing. Being allowed in the bed was another. Aziraphale trusted him even more than he realized.

The angel just needed time.

And that was one thing Crowley was always willing to give him.


	21. Chapter 21

“Aziraphale.”

“Hmm.”

“Will you be okay if I leave to take care of my plants?” Aziraphale stiffened and spun to look at the demon behind him as he unlocked the door to his bookshop. The flat upstairs was off-limits to any and all patrons, but Aziraphale finally figured it was about time that he tried to get back to a semblance of normalcy. Crowley had been sleeping in the bed upstairs for a few days, but Aziraphale had desired less and less sleep as time went on. It seemed to make the demon fidgety for some reason, but he had been encouraging when Aziraphale told him he was ready to reopen the shop.

“Are you going to keep them there?” Aziraphale asked slowly.

“What do you mean?” Aziraphale wrung his hands for a moment before responding.

“It’s just… If you’re staying here, shouldn’t you bring them over? There’s no reason to go back and forth to Mayfair every few days…” Crowley lowered his glasses and looked at Aziraphale closely.

“Zira, your shop doesn’t exactly get much sunlight, and it’s fairly crowded in here as it is.”

“I know! I was just thinking that well… maybe you could put a few upstairs, and we could maybe build a garden on the roof…” Crowley just looked at him. “I’ll help you take care of them! I mean… I won’t yell at them like you do. That really is a terrible habit, my dear. But maybe we could even build a small greenhouse up there if you want… I don’t know. Oh dear, this is a bit foolish of me, isn’t it. I’m sorry.”

“Zira, no… I mean, it sounds nice, it does. But are you sure? That’s your nest… You want me to bring personal items from outside of it to remain there permanently?” Aziraphale couldn’t help perking up when the idea wasn’t immediately shot down.

“Of course! I mean - it’s only logical, isn’t it? Driving back and forth all the time would just be silly, and I… Well...” Aziraphale shrugged helplessly and blushed at the grin Crowley was giving him.

“I’ll get them today. In fact…” Crowley snapped his fingers, and Aziraphale took a startled step back as various plants appeared around the bookshop.

“Crowley!” The demon laughed.

“I’m going to move them. Relax. Are you okay with me going upstairs without you?” Aziraphale gave the demon an odd look before nodding slowly. Hadn’t he made it clear that the demon was welcome here? Why was he continuing to walk on eggshells? The bell above the door chimed and distracted him. Great. A customer. He hid a scowl before walking over to try and nudge them back out the door. Why had he wanted to reopen the bookshop again?

Once that was taken care of, he focused on the sound of Crowley moving around upstairs and couldn’t help thinking about how right it felt to have him there.

Generally, he should only feel comfortable with a mate having so much free reign in his nest. It was no wonder Crowley was sending him strange looks to be honest. He’d practically been treating Crowley as a mate even though he wasn’t one!

The realization caused his cheeks to heat as he took a step back from the stairs.

What was he doing!?

This was his oldest friend! He was going to ruin everything!

Sure, Crowley wasn’t exactly complaining, but he had worried Crowley halfway to discorporation recently. He knew it was unlikely the demon would fight him on much of anything at the moment unless it came to his health or the angel tried to shut him out again. Aziraphale knew the other was keeping a close eye on him, and that would be difficult to do if Aziraphale kicked him out of the shop.

He brought both of his hands up to his face and took an unneeded but refreshing breath of air.

He needed cocoa. Yes, perfect. Chocolate sounded wonderful right now. Perhaps liberally dosed with a bit of whiskey.

He slid upstairs and ignored Crowley’s hissing from the next room as he went about pulling down everything needed to make his drink and calm down. Groaning at the realization that he’d have to take it back downstairs with him because the shop was still open, he snapped his fingers to turn the lock on the door downstairs. That was when he heard a loud crack from below.

Crowley’s hissed expletives stopped as he went crashing downstairs. “Aziraphale!”

Aziraphale followed at a slower pace and couldn't help frowning at what he found.

“I’m here, my dear.” Crowley turned to look at him with an expression that could only be described as relief, but Aziraphale was busy frowning at the mess that was his front door. The area where the lock had been was cracked through completely with splinters of wood thrown about on the floor below. A long jagged break went through the door towards one of the hinges, and he continued to stare for a moment before Crowley brought him back to the present.

“What happened!?”

“I don’t…” Aziraphale frowned harder. “I was upstairs making cocoa, and I decided I wasn’t as ready as I thought to man the bookstore. I tried to miracle the lock, and well…” Crowley spun back to the door in shock before looking back at the angel.

“Did you put too much power into it? How did you manage to break it?” The demon snapped his own fingers to set the door to rights before walking closer to the angel and examining him critically.

“I pulled as hard as I always do!” Crowley looked around.

“Try to miracle that book from the table to the shelf,” he ordered before taking a step back. Looking between the demon and the specified book curiously, Aziraphale tried to do as he was told before biting back a yelp as the book slammed into the opposite wall. The demon winced.

“What is happening!?” Crowley bit his lip.

“Aziraphale… Angel… I think we need to talk.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry in advance, folks.

“Talk about what…?” Aziraphale asked carefully. Crowley fidgeted and bit at his lip for a moment. It was odd to see considering the demon liked to pretend he was above such things. Aziraphale was kind enough not to point out that the other looked like a toddler caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

“I may have been kind of… working on you.” Aziraphale blinked.

“I… What?”

“Well, you know that the suppressants left lasting damage, right?”

“Yes…” Aziraphale responded carefully.

“Well... I may have been... I might have been trying to clear all of that up while you slept…” Aziraphale jerked backwards in shock.

“You’ve been doing _what?_ ” Aziraphale whispered. Crowley looked a bit sheepish.

“You… Well, you had some visible damage, right?” Crowley gestured towards his own body as an indicator. “Your celestial form had some internal issues... And, well, your aura… Your aura was _diseased,_ angel. The channels for your energy were blocked and mangled. I’ve been clearing some of that up, so your power is probably coming a bit more readily is all. That's probably... Well, that would explain why you're losing a bit of your control.” Crowley shifted from one foot to the other uneasily.

“You mean to tell me,” Aziraphale began slowly, “that you’ve been performing medical miracles on me in my sleep.”

“Well, when you phrase it like that, it sounds terrible…”

“It is terrible!” Aziraphale exploded. “You’ve been using me as some sort of medical guinea pig without my knowledge!”

“Zira, no! I know what I’m doing, I promise. I used to be a healer!”

“Are you a healer now?” Crowley winced.

“I still have the ability…”

“Did you know that before you started prodding at me while I was unconscious?”

“Well… no.”

“So, you’ve been basically using me as a celestial lab rat for your own powers is what you’re telling me?”

“Angel, it’s not like that!” Crowley was starting to get frantic. This was going all wrong! He was only trying to help!

“It sounds like that to me!” The front counter cracked under Aziraphale’s hand where he gripped it - his supernatural strength coming into play without his permission.

“Aziraphale, it was for your own good!” 

“My own good!” Aziraphale’s voice was high-pitched and strangled. “Like it was for my own good to take suppressants that could have killed me to prevent Alphas from taking advantage of me? Like that? What gives you the right to make decisions for me?”

“Angel, listen to me! I wasn’t making decisions for you -”

“You were!”

“I was trying to fix you!”

“ _Fix me!? I’m not broken!_ ”

“Wait! That’s not what I meant! I didn't mean it like that!”

“Well, it’s what you said!”

“I just meant that I wanted you to be well. That’s all! I swear, Aziraphale! I don’t think you need fixing!” Aziraphale could feel his eyes burning and knew he was on the verge of angry tears.

“And what? You couldn’t ask me before putting your hands on me! Before twisting my aura for your own satisfaction!”

“Aziraphale! Enough! It was not for my satisfaction! It was for _you!_ ”

“Enough!? You don't get to tell me enough! You should have asked before touching me!”

“I didn’t know if it would even work!”

“That doesn’t matter, Crowley! You don’t get to make decisions for me. You may be my Pack Alpha, but I’m still capable of making my own choices. I agreed to be your packmate because I thought you understood that.”

“I do though!” Crowley said desperately, reaching out for the angel in front of him. Aziraphale took a step back and detached his hand from his damaged counter with some effort. He glanced around at the plants Crowley had miracled over just a while before and shook his head.

“I’m such an idiot.”

“You’re not,” Crowley said despairingly.

“I am. I really thought you’d be different.” Aziraphale let out an ugly laugh.

“Aziraphale, I’m sorry. I was just trying to protect you!”

“I don’t _need_ protection! I need someone I can _trust!_ I’ve protected myself for thousands of years, Crowley. You think that just because I’m off suppressants and some of my Omega instincts are reemerging, I’m suddenly incapable of doing so?”

“No, of course not!”

“It sure seems like it. If some other Alpha put his hands on me while I was sleeping, what would you think?” Crowley reeled backward in shock.

“But I - It wasn’t like that…”

“It doesn’t matter, Crowley. This is my body. I am my own being. I would have agreed if you had just told me what you wanted to do. And if it hadn’t worked, that would have been my burden to bear for making the decision to take suppressants in the first place! But you took that from me. You didn’t allow me to make that decision. You made it _for me._ And how _dare_ you…”

“Aziraphale, I’m sorry…” The angel could see the demon shaking. He’d removed his sunglasses, and the yellow had taken over his eyes completely.

“I need you to go.”

“What?”

“Get. Out.”

“Aziraphale, please…” The angel hissed and clutched at his chest before scowling.

“Go home, Crowley. I need some space to think.”

“This is home!”

“Go back to your _flat!_ I can’t look at you right now!” Crowley curled in on himself.

“When can I come back?” He whispered.

“I don’t know,” Aziraphale responded tiredly. “I need to calm down. I’ll be in touch.”

Crowley nodded before weaving his way through the plants and bookcases and out of the back door.


	23. Chapter 23

Aziraphale stood for a moment and stared in the direction Crowley had gone before dragging himself back up the stairs to his nest.

It felt different without Crowley, but it would have been worse at the moment to have him there.

What had the demon been _thinking?_

Aziraphale knew it was honestly likely that the demon hadn’t been thinking at all beyond how to help him, and that thought made him feel a bit guilty for snapping the way he had. But there were lines that shouldn’t be crossed. He had boundaries.

Stepping into the kitchen, he saw the cocoa he’d prepared earlier had gone cold on the counter, and not daring to try a miracle, he poured it out in the sink before rinsing the mug and setting it off to the side.

Afterwards, he let his feet take him to the bedroom. He could see where Crowley had begun to place a few of his plants around the space and let his eyes linger to see if he wanted to move any of them for his own comfort.

However, outside of the fact that they were Crowley’s plants and therefore unfortunately reminded him of said demon, the positioning seemed fairly perfect.

He figured that’s because he saw Crowley as a prospective mate, and he sighed at the thought before rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. He had to wonder if the demon had noticed how cozy they’d gotten recently then scowled when he remembered the demon had in fact gotten a little _too_ cozy.

The sting of betrayal was sharp and bitter, and he felt the pain in his chest at having banished a prospective mate and his Pack Alpha. Did Crowley even understand that what he’d done was wrong? He had acted as though Aziraphale were overreacting and just didn't understand in the beginning, but he had been apologizing and was visibly upset by the time Aziraphale told him to leave.

And he _had_ gone.

He hadn’t tried to fight the angel or command the angel to let him stay. He’d respected Aziraphale’s wish for him to leave without much fight at all. Aziraphale felt some of the anger leave him at that, but the tears from earlier came back with a vengeance.

He rarely cried. Human suffering moved him in the beginning, but an unfortunate side-effect of serving as Earth’s Principality was that he’d become a bit desensitized to the terrible things that went on around him over time. He hadn’t even cried during the crucifixion - and that had been a truly ghastly act to witness.

Yet, nothing had ever hit him quite like this.

He knew it was unfair of him to expect perfection from Crowley, and he knew they’d have to talk once he calmed down a bit more. But it hurt.

Knowing that Crowley was capable of violating his space in such a way - even if it wasn’t malicious - made him want to hurl. His corporation was obviously not capable of handling this onslaught of angelic emotion, and he could feel himself getting lightheaded as he crawled into his bed and wrapped himself up in the demon’s comforter.

Crowley had left it - along with all of his plants. He either had hope that he wouldn’t be kept away for too long, or he was unwilling to take anything from Aziraphale even if it didn’t technically belong to the angel. Aziraphale’s best guess was that it was a combination of the two. 

The demon’s protective instincts had obviously been running high if he felt the need to protect Aziraphale from his own _disappointment,_ but that wasn’t an excuse for what he’d been doing. Crowley himself had told Aziraphale that Alphas weren’t slaves to their own instincts, so Aziraphale wasn’t about to let him off the hook now. The situation was different, but the point was the same.

He knew he’d forgive him. There was no question of it.

They’d known each other for 6,000 years, and in all that time, Crowley had never once tried to intentionally hurt him. He'd certainly saved his life more than once.

Even now, he’d only hurt Aziraphale unconsciously. It certainly didn’t mean he shouldn’t suffer for a while until he understood that what he did was wrong or that Aziraphale didn’t need some space for the time being, but he would eventually want the demon to come back. Probably sooner rather than later if the pain in his chest continued.

He took a moment to consider what it would be like to have someone like Crowley for a mate. Someone who repeatedly put the needs of others before their own. The angel could count on one hand the number of times the demon had truly upset him, and the incident with the Holy Water and some of what happened during the failed Armageddon took most of his fingers.

If he were ever _going_ to have a mate, he’d want them to be like Crowley in all honesty. Crowley had always done his best to keep him safe - even if he’d recently taken that way too far. He also tended to respect Aziraphale’s wishes. Leaving the bookshop when he was visibly upset and obviously wanted to work things out was just one example.

Aziraphale sighed and burrowed further into one of the pillows on his bed. It smelled like Crowley. The entire flat did really. Aziraphale had built it for the both of them before even realizing or acknowledging what that meant.

He wondered if Crowley was just humoring him - if he’d noticed Aziraphale’s slips and was just politely ignoring him. The demon told him that he’d had many offers before - in both Heaven and Hell. 

And well… Aziraphale had not. He’d had a couple, but they were more status moves than anything else. Being Alpha to one of the few Omega Cherubs was seen as a bit of a status boost in Heaven. But he hadn’t had anyone interested in who he truly was.

Then of course, he’d spent most of his time after the Garden on Earth shielded under the neutral scent of a Beta and was able to enjoy the solitude that came with not being sought after as some sort of power-boosting broodmare.

But what if Crowley wasn’t just humoring him? What if he was receptive to Aziraphale’s advances? Did the angel truly want him as a mate? He had to admit that if he were ever going to choose someone to be with for the rest of his existence, Crowley would be his _only_ consideration.

He and the demon had something that Aziraphale had never had with another being before the Garden or since.

The problem was that he didn’t know if Crowley was just trying to spare his feelings by not outright rejecting some of his more personal requests - such as when he asked him to give his opinion on the bed - or because he was actually oblivious to the implications. He knew it could also be that Crowley was receptive to the implications but trying not to push the angel or even that he was just taking his Pack Alpha role extremely seriously and was willing to handle even overly personal requests because of it.

Aziraphale groaned. There were too many possibilities.

He’d certainly gotten himself into a mess.


	24. Chapter 24

Aziraphale woke up the next morning in a puddle of his own drool with no Crowley in bed beside him. There was no sound of him puttering about making coffee either. The nest was still and silent, and he decided then and there that he didn’t like it.

Pulling himself up slowly with a groan, he grimaced at the fact that he’d fallen asleep in the bed while fully clothed, and glancing around the room at the demon’s plants, he couldn’t help but feel oddly alone.

He knew he’d have to make the trip to Crowley’s flat today. He’d have to make sure the other understood that what he’d been doing couldn’t continue, and then he’d have to make the demon  _ come back. _

The nest wasn’t complete without Crowley in it. Aziraphale was as sure of that as he was of anything. Whatever it was that was going on between the two of them, Crowley belonged here _regardless_.

Dragging himself around the room and into the bathroom to freshen himself up the human way took more time than he was used to, but he wasn’t quite prepared to try anymore miracles for the time being. Not until he understood exactly what was going on with his powers.

He ended up taking a cab to Crowley’s building, and in a short amount of time was standing before the other’s door trying to find the willpower to knock.

He shouldn’t be nervous. He knew that. Crowley wouldn’t turn him away, but after making the other leave the bookshop the day before, things just seemed… off. Taking a deep breath, he finally raised a hand and tapped a few times on the door before settling in to wait.

He wasn’t stuck waiting for long.

A loud crash echoed from inside the flat, and Aziraphale could hear quick footsteps making their way to the front door before it was literally thrown open. Crowley was standing just inside the doorway with a wild expression. His eyes were wide and bright with hope, and the rest of him was a complete and utter mess.

He was wearing the same clothes he’d been in the day before and his hair looked as though he had run his fingers through it and clutched at it repeatedly. It was literally everywhere. His shoes were off, and Aziraphale could spot a couple of open liquor bottles on the coffee table behind him. There was a throw blanket balled up on one end of the couch, and Aziraphale quickly came to the conclusion that Crowley had chosen to sleep there instead of the bed.

“Angel.” Crowley’s voice was tentative, and Aziraphale’s attention was dragged back to the demon in front of him. The angel winced at how rough he sounded before steeling himself to respond.

“My dear, may I come in?” Crowley hurried to get out of his way, stumbling backward and gesturing grandly to allow him entrance. Aziraphale walked in carefully and made his way over to the couch to take a seat. It took only a moment for Crowley to join him, and the demon seemed to be waiting for some kind of cue from Aziraphale as to what was to happen next.

“Angel, I…” Aziraphale watched him trail off and a calm feeling washed over him as he opened his mouth to speak.

“I’m sorry for losing my temper yesterday, my dear.” Crowley made a gurgling sound, but Aziraphale powered on. “It’s only that I was so hurt, and I couldn’t stop myself from lashing out.”

“No!” Crowley burst out before taking a moment to reel himself back in. “You don’t have to be sorry!  _ I’m _ sorry! It didn’t even occur to me that I was…” Crowley swallowed before continuing. “...violating you in a way. I was just trying to help, I promise. I messed up. It won’t happen again. Please believe me, angel.”

Aziraphale could feel the last of his anger drain away in the face of Crowley’s desperation and reached over to wrap one of the demon’s hands up in both of his own.

“My dear, I  _ do _ forgive you. Of course I do. I just…” Aziraphale let himself pause for a moment here to gather his thoughts. “It’s not fair of me, but I think I had you on a bit of a pedestal after everything you’ve done for me not only the last few weeks but over the course of our entire friendship.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean - You’ve always been there when I needed you. Even when I didn’t know that I needed you. But, you always let me make my mistakes before you bailed me out of them. I’m sure you didn’t see this as being any different, but for me it was jarring. Usually, you help me, and I’m aware of what’s going on. I know that I messed up. I can see that you’re fixing my missteps, and I learn from it in a way. But you treated me like a child this time, Crowley. I know you aren’t perfect, but I think I’ve always viewed how you were with me as  _ being _ perfect. And that’s not fair to you because no one is capable of living a life without mistakes. I’m still upset. You shouldn't have done it. I’m glad you know you shouldn’t have done it, but I think I overreacted a bit. I want you to come  _ home. _ ”

“Aziraphale," Crowley began sternly, "you did  _ not _ overreact. It doesn’t matter how much I’ve done for you; I’m still not allowed to get away with that kind of behavior. You were  _ absolutely right _ to react the way you did. And I’m so sorry. I’ll keep saying it and doing what I can to show you that because you deserve so much  _ better _ .” Crowley was clutching the angel’s hands with both of his at this point. “Let me show you what I’ve been doing while you were asleep. Let me help you figure out what’s going on with your powers. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

Aziraphale looked at Crowley. At the demon who refused to allow the angel to take the blame for something that wasn’t his fault. His golden eyes were staring into Aziraphale’s imploringly, and he still looked like an absolute mess. Aziraphale could feel his lips twitching upward in a smile and leaned forward to press his forehead against the demon’s.

“Crowley... I love you.”


	25. Chapter 25

Crowley felt his own eyes widen as Aziraphale reeled away and smacked a hand over his mouth as though he could take the words back and swallow them.

“I - You - What!?” Crowley burst out.

“Oh dear. I didn't mean to say that. Crowley, I’m so sorry.”

“I - Sorry for what!?” Aziraphale gave him a confused look and brought his hands together to wring them both in his lap nervously. Crowley could feel the urge to take them back in his own and cease the movements, but he was frozen in shock. He couldn’t have heard the angel correctly, could he? Aziraphale looked pale and like he was back in the Bastille being prepped for the gallows. “Aziraphale, please. What did you say?”

“I - I - I don’t -”

“Aziraphale,  _ breathe _ .” Crowley didn’t have time to appreciate the irony of that considering neither of them really needed the air. Aziraphale looked close to passing out at any second. The angel blinked rapidly and shook his head before responding.

“Crowley, my dear. I think I need to leave.” Now, Crowley had never claimed to be an expert in handling emotions, but that was absolutely not going to happen. Not when he’d heard the one thing he’d spent most of his immortal life waiting to hear, and his angel seemed to be having a meltdown in front of him.

“Angel. Angel, stop!” Crowley reached out and grabbed the other’s wrist as he tried to stand up and head towards the door.

“Crowley, please. I must insist.” Crowley laughed. It was half-hysterical, half-delighted. He laughed and he pulled the angel closer to him before standing up and facing him head on.

“I love you too!”

“Crowley, don’t - Wait, what?” Crowley felt the grin begin to overtake his face as the angel looked at him in shock.

“I love you too, you great bloody fool.”

“Oh, I - I - Wait, really?” Crowley blinked.

“What do you mean really? Of course I do! I’ve loved you for millennia!” Aziraphale just stood in front of him with a look on his face as though he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing, and Crowley’s own grin was starting to become painful.

“But I - You can’t!” Crowley felt his grin start to fall at the words.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“I mean - Crowley, really! You’re you! And I’m well… I’m just me!” Crowley was frowning now.

“Well, yes. That was rather the point…”

“But you deserve so much better, Crowley! I know you’re my Pack Alpha, and I think that’s getting to you is all. I’ll give you some space. Yes. That’s what I’ll do… I’ll give you some space, and your instincts will settle -”

“ _ Instincts!? What does this have to do with my bloody instincts? _ ”

“Everything!” Crowley was taken aback. “It’s just that you know I’m an Omega now, so you’re getting all  _ confused _ -” Crowley could feel his jaw working open and closed in shock.

“I’m not confused!” Aziraphale gave him a frankly disbelieving look, and Crowley couldn’t help but be offended. “I’m not! Aziraphale, you great idiot! I’ve been in love with you since you told me you gave away your bloody sword in the Garden! This has nothing to do with you being an Omega!”

“But… My dear," Aziraphale shook his head as though trying to clear it, "you never said…” Crowley felt something crack at that, and his entire axis shifted.

“I never  _ said? _ ” he hissed. “Aziraphale, I have made it quite abundantly clear over and over and over again that I love you. You cannot seriously tell me you had no idea.”

“Well, I knew you cared about me, Crowley. But that’s not the same as wanting to be mates!”

“Who said anything about being mates!?” Aziraphale went silent at this, and Crowley pinched the bridge of his nose with his right thumb and forefinger. “Aziraphale… I love you. I’ve been in love with you. I told you before that your Designation doesn’t matter to me, and I meant it. If you wanted to be my mate, I’d be over the moon just because it would mean a closer connection to you. But I spent thousands of years in love with you thinking that you were a  _ Beta _ . Those feelings didn’t magically appear because you ran out of suppressants and went into Heat!”

“I - Oh. Well, when you put it like that… But Crowley, you still deserve so much more than me!” Crowley could feel himself redden in rage, and he growled before pushing closer to the angel.

“Now listen here. There is no one better than you. Do you understand? You are  _ everything _ . If anyone in this is undeserving, it’s  _ me. _ ” Aziraphale opened his mouth, and Crowley assumed he was going to protest further. So, he let some of the command leak into his voice. “You will stop speaking poorly about yourself immediately.” Aziraphale’s jaw snapped shut. “I will not hear it. Do you understand? You. Are. Perfect.” Aziraphale was looking at him with wide eyes.

“Crowley…”

“What now, angel?” Crowley was breathing slowly in an attempt to stop himself from getting more upset about whoever it was that put all of these doubts in his angel’s head.

“...Will you kiss me?”

“ _ Urgk! _ ” Aziraphale was smiling shyly at him now, and Crowley didn't have the willpower to be embarrassed about making such a noise.

“Will. You. Kiss. Me?” Crowley’s sudden inability to form words didn’t stop him from nodding ecstatically at the angel and reaching down to wrap his arms around the angel’s waist slowly. Was this actually happening? He couldn't be sure. He needed words.

“Aziraphale,” Crowley finally forced out between clenched teeth, “are you absolutely sure?”

“Yes, please,” Aziraphale said sweetly, and Crowley let one of his hands slide up the other’s ribs before ghosting over the side of neck and tilting back his jaw.

“There’s no going back, angel.”

“Who wants to go back?” Aziraphale whispered.

Crowley grinned sharply before leaning forward to catch his lips in a gentle kiss.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have had the most stressful week ever. Real life is the worst. Sorry you all had to wait so long for this chapter. I hope you enjoy! <3

The angel felt the heat of Crowley’s breath before he felt his lips, and Aziraphale could feel his corporation’s heart speed up as those lips finally pressed against his own. They were soft and thin, and Aziraphale felt himself push up on the balls of his feet to put more pressure into the kiss. The hand the demon had used to tilt back his jaw was now tangled in the back of his short curls, and Crowley’s other arm snaked around the angel’s waist in a way that had Aziraphale pulling back slightly in surprise before letting out a shuddering breath and allowing his feet rest back flat on the floor.

Aziraphale lowered his forehead to rest against the demon's collarbone, and brought one hand up between their two bodies to touch his own lips in wonder before raising his head once more and meeting Crowley’s gaze with wide eyes of his own. The demon was grinning at him wildly, and Aziraphale could feel his own lips twitching in response as he used one hand to rub at his nose in order to distract himself from looking like a loon. One of them had to be sensible here.

“Well, that was rather ah - lovely.” He felt the heat in his own cheeks and took a moment to scold himself for blushing like a human teenager before Crowley’s rumbling laughter vibrated against him.

“That’s one word for it, angel. I’d rather like to do it again. I’d spend the rest of the day kissing you if you'd let me.” Aziraphale felt the hand on his head gentle and begin to card gently through his hair as the arm around his waist tightened.

“It seems rather - I don’t know… Soon… to spend the day canoodling, I mean. Wouldn’t you agree?” Crowley dropped his head to Aziraphale's shoulder in response.

 _“ Canoodling,”_ the demon whispered to himself in a way that Aziraphale wasn’t quite sure he was meant to hear before raising his head and speaking at his normal volume. “Too fast again, angel?” Crowley was giving him a playful sardonic look as he pulled back slowly, and Aziraphale felt himself blush even darker at the reminder of their conversation from decades before. He had spent the better part of two weeks afterward thinking he had misread the conversation entirely and made a complete fool of himself before he eventually chose to banish the conversation from his mind completely. If he pretended it hadn't happened, then it obviously had not. He had been grateful when Crowley hadn’t brought it up at their next meeting.

But it seemed like he _was_ bringing it up _now_.

“Just a touch, my dear.” Aziraphale reached out for the demon’s hand, reluctant to let him put much space between the two of them and was gratified when Crowley let him take hold. “I’m sorry I hurt you,” he said seriously. Crowley looked at him with soft eyes, and Aziraphale felt some of the newfound tension leak from his frame.

“You don’t have to be sorry, angel. I’ll go whatever speed you need me to.” Aziraphale blinked in shock.

“But I - But that’s not fair to you at all! You’ve waited for so long!” Aziraphale could feel the hand in his own grip tightly as Crowley closed his eyes and brought his other hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. He’d been doing that a lot lately, Aziraphale noted.

“Angel, I would wait another six thousand years if you needed me to. I’d wait an eternity. We might have that now that old Lucy and Gabe are going to let us be. Please, for the love of everything, do not offer yourself to me out of _obligation._ ” Aziraphale stood still for a moment and let the words sink into his skin.

Obligation?

Was that all it was? Did he feel like he owed his demon for helping him or being there for him or _loving him?_

Aziraphale could feel the doubt start to overtake him.

_No._

_It was more than that, wasn’t it?_

He _loved_ Crowley. He’d known that since the demon had burned his feet on consecrated ground and bombed a church for him, and he wasn’t foolish enough to believe those feelings appeared out of nowhere. They had probably been around quite a while before that.

“No,” Aziraphale stated firmly. “It’s not just an obligation. _You_ are not just an obligation. Crowley, my dear. I promise you it’s more than that.” Crowley just looked at him searchingly as Aziraphale used their interlocked fingers to drag him closer. “I’m - Well - I’m not quite ready for much more than this, yet. And maybe I was trying to push myself because I felt guilty for you having to wait so long -” Aziraphale noticed the rising irritation on Crowley’s face at that line of thinking and continued talking before he could get a word in, “and I _know_ I shouldn’t feel guilty. I know, Crowley. I do, but I can’t help it!” Crowley took a long breath in before releasing it slowly.

“I’ll be here to remind you then,” he finally said before pulling his hand free gently. “For now, can I hold you?” Aziraphale felt his lips quirk upwards before stepping forward so their chests were touching.

“I’d love you to. I’d love for you to kiss me again too, actually…” Aziraphale could hardly believe the words came out of his mouth, but the way Crowley smiled at him before placing a kiss on his forehead and pulling him close made it all worth it.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, loves! Have you missed me?? I've missed youuu!!
> 
> Real life has been absolute hell. Just arghhh.
> 
> Anyway, this chapter fought me, but I hope you enjoy this for what it is. It's not nearly enough to make up for the long break, I know. So sorry, darlings!

It took a great deal of effort on Aziraphale’s part to pull away from the comfort of Crowley’s arms and to pull the demon’s attention back to the matter at hand.

“I don’t know if you’ll be able to see it the same way I do though. You were never trained as a healer. Being able to focus your energy and locate and see the energy pathways of others is a learned skill,” Crowley stated pacing back and forth in front of the couch making finger quotations in the air as he said the word ‘see’. “I can maybe try to brighten the pathways by funneling some of my own energy along your channels... That _might_ help, but I still can’t  _ guarantee _ anything.”

Aziraphale used all of his control to refrain from rolling his eyes.

“It doesn’t mean you can’t  _ try  _ to show me, dear.” Crowley huffed and came to a stop in front of him.

“Well sure, angel. But I also don’t want you to be alarmed if by some miracle you  _ can _ see it. It’s not…” Crowley trailed off with a grimace before opening his mouth once more. “It’s not pretty, angel.” Aziraphale took a shaky breath before responding.

“Still. I’d like to see what damage I’ve caused and the work you’ve done.” Crowley was looking at him carefully, and Aziraphale made sure to hold his gaze so the demon would understand how certain he was of his decision. Crowley finally sighed before nodding, and Aziraphale watched as he started looking at the area around Aziraphale with an intense sort of focus.

Aziraphale could feel the energy begin to move around him, and while he knew Crowley was seeing something more with his eyes, Aziraphale couldn’t make anything out himself.

But he could  _ feel _ it. His aura had started warping and moving around him in a way he wasn’t altogether used to, and he could feel his energy in a way he never had before. 

It curled around him tightly, and it felt as though all of the air was slowly being pulled from the room. He felt constricted, and his breathing started to come in a bit more shallow. It had to be from his subconscious attempt to control Crowley’s energy. He knew that. It might turn out to be too much for him... Aziraphale winced as it started sliding backwards along his skin like sandpaper, and he watched Crowley’s eyes flicker to his face in concern.

“Does it hurt?”

“Just a tad uncomfortable, my dear,” Aziraphale replied with a slight gasp. Crowley frowned, and Aziraphale could feel as he started to pull back from his aura. Aziraphale scowled back at him and opened his mouth to ask why he’d stopped, but Crowley cut him off before he was able to get a word out.

“I’m funneling too much energy into your channels, and I’m afraid that if I flood your aura any further just so you can see it, I’ll end up causing more harm than good. It'll burn you out, and that will take quite a long time to heal, angel. It will also make any attempts at controlling your powers utterly pointless.”

Aziraphale sighed disappointed and forced himself not to whine at the idea that there was no way short of training his sight to the level of a healer’s to see the damage. He was thousands of years old, and he was going to act like it.

“Angel, you’re pouting.”

“I am not!” The gall of Crowley to suggest such a thing! Aziraphale quickly rearranged his face and sat up straight. “You’ll just have to explain it all to me then if you can’t show me.”

Crowley’s smirk dropped as he walked over to collapse on the couch next to the angel, and Aziraphale felt the warmth of his demon's corporation all along his side. The angel fidgeted as he tried to stop himself from leaning into Crowley as he spoke. Was he allowed to do that? Aziraphale frowned as he internally debated for a moment. Well, if he and Crowley were going to be a  _ ‘thing’, _ he should certainly be allowed to cuddle a bit.

And if Crowley had an issue with it, well... The demon would surely tell him. And Aziraphale would certainly pull back into his own space. The angel nodded to himself as he reached a conclusion.

“Angel, you’re not listening to me.”

“Hm? What was that, dear?” Aziraphale turned to look into Crowley’s eyes. He had one eyebrow raised, and his still messy hair should have meant he looked utterly ridiculous. Yet, Aziraphale just felt the urge to kiss him again. This was getting out of hand.

“I said that you’re not listening.” Aziraphale felt his face burn as he realized that he’d been sitting there ignoring his other half for the better part of a couple of minutes, and cleared his throat as he stalled.

“Yes, well, sorry dear. I just got a bit distracted is all.”

“Oh?” Crowley’s second eyebrow joined the first. “By what?” Aziraphale reached around in his brain for something to say that wasn’t  _ ‘I was debating on whether or not you’d let me snuggle into your side as though you were an over-sized stuffed snake,’ _ and eventually settled on shrugging with what he was sure was the most poorly executed expression of innocence he’d ever tried to present. Crowley just snorted. “Uh huh. Sure. Well, listen to me angel. I’m trying to explain what’s going on with your aura.”

“Of course, my dear. I’m all ears. Err… Actually, I’m all eyes if we want to get technical. But - oh! You know what I mean!” Crowley’s lips were twitching in what the angel was sure was amusement, and Aziraphale shot him a sour look before settling himself into the demon’s side and watching the smug amusement drop to be replaced with something like surprised awe. “Well, go on then! I’m waiting.”

“Right, right.” Crowley slowly wound an arm around Aziraphale’s shoulders and pulled him even closer before he began to speak.


	28. Chapter 28

Aziraphale was listening. Truly he was! It’s just that it was hard to concentrate with Crowley’s human heartbeat in his ear and the demon’s arm wrapped around him.

“Could you repeat that part?” Aziraphale asked sheepishly as he tuned back in and realized Crowley had gotten ahead of him at some point.

“Am I boring you, angel?” Crowley looked amused, and considering the fact that Aziraphale was the one who pushed him to share all of this information, amusement at his lack of attention was probably the best that he could ask for.

“No!” Aziraphale blurted as he pushed closer to the demon. “It’s not that. I just… I can’t quite understand it like you do, and then you start getting technical. And a mind starts to wander, you know?” Aziraphale brought his left hand up to play with the fingers of Crowley’s right and waited.

“Sorry, sorry. I’m used to talking about all of this with other healers, and even though it’s been a while, I guess the habit is hard to break.” Crowley stopped speaking, and Aziraphale watched as he frowned slightly and seemed to be concentrating on something. “Let me try to explain it another way. Your energy channels are like a web. You know this subconsciously. You learn from the beginning of your own creation how to handle and maneuver your own energy flow, and you begin to do it without having to think about it at all. It’s like reading! Once you’ve learned, you rarely have to focus on what you’re doing unless you come across a word or phrase you don’t understand. Or in the case of your power, a higher skill you haven’t yet mastered. Does that make sense?” Crowley was still frowning.

“Sure, my dear. But what does this have to do with the damage you claim I’ve taken?”

“I’m getting there, angel.” Aziraphale rolled his eyes where Crowley couldn’t see and continued playing with the other’s fingers as he waited for him to continue. “When parts of your web become infected, you naturally pull energy from another direction. It finds a new route, and sometimes that route might be longer or more complicated than the original. It slows down your energy speed and production, and as more areas become infected, things become more clogged. Like a string of car accidents causing a traffic jam. All of these infections have been slowly spreading over time, and you haven’t noticed because you’ve instinctively worked around them and found new routes and left those infections to fester. As I’ve worked to clear them up, well… Your energy has started flowing back along those original lines, and it’s moving much more fluidly. It was so sluggish when I started, angel. It’s still sluggish now, and areas I haven’t gotten to are black and discolored from disease and decay. If you transformed into your true form, the pain would be unbearable. Keeping yourself in a human corporation most of the time and keeping yourself in a human shaped form when not has spared you so far. I don’t suggest bringing out all of your wings and heads anytime soon,” Crowley tried to end with a weak joke, and Aziraphale just stared at him.

“How long?” Crowley shifted and pulled them both up so they were sitting a bit straighter.

“How long for what?”

“How long will it take to heal it all?”

“I - I actually don’t know, angel. I’m out of practice, and so I’m tiring quickly.” Aziraphale could hear Crowley’s frustration at his own lack of ability and couldn’t help but feel saddened. Crowley was blaming himself for something he had no control over.

“It’s not your fault, dearest.”

 _“But it is,”_ the demon hissed and removed his arm from around Aziraphale so he could stand up and continue pacing. _“I’m supposed to take care of you, and I’m failing miserably!”_ Aziraphale frowned.

“Crowley, we weren’t pack when I was on suppressants.” Crowley let out a harsh laugh.

“Maybe we weren’t in name, but I’ve always considered you pack, Aziraphale. I’ve always thought of you as one of mine, and I’ve always tried to keep you safe. And I _failed._ ” Aziraphale felt a short pain in his chest at that as he stood up and walked around Crowley’s coffee table to stand in front of him.

“You didn’t fail.”

“I _did!_ ”

“No, Crowley! Had you had any idea, you’d have tried to stop me and help me long ago. You’ve protected me from myself for thousands of years, and I don’t see how this is really any different. The second you found out, you stayed with me to keep me safe through my withdrawal heat, you helped nurse me back to health, you enlightened me and forced me to stop hiding from my nature even though I despise it, and you’ve even been trying to heal the long-term damage even if you went about that the _wrong way_ ,” Aziraphale shot him a look before continuing. “You’ve done more for me than anyone else ever has, my dear. And I've not done nearly enough to repay you.” Aziraphale felt troubled at the thought, and Crowley frowned and reached out to pull him in.

“I don’t do things expecting repayment, angel. I do them because I love you.” Aziraphale ducked his head and leaned in to place it under Crowley’s chin before shaking it slightly.

“I love you too, darling. I really do, but this relationship feels so one-sided sometimes. It’s unfair to you.” Crowley pushed him back and looked him in the eye.

“That’s not true.” Aziraphale opened his mouth to respond. “No. Be quiet for a moment. You’ve done more for me than you can ever know. You’ve shown me light, Aziraphale. You've shown me that my Fall wasn’t the end of everything good, and you’ve shown me that there are people and beings that are _worth_ protecting. I was bitter and angry when I met you, angel. I was questioning everything, and she had just cast me down for a reason I considered completely unfair. She took away her grace and her light, and you gave me a new light. And you don’t even know it! You questioned her too, you know. And you went against her with that whole sword business. But unlike me, you didn’t Fall. You remained an angel. Do you know why, Aziraphale?” 

“I… No…”

“You stayed an angel while I burned because you question and rebel to protect others. I did it to assuage my own curiosity and out of jealousy. And I... I hurt the humans in the process. We’re fundamentally different, angel. I like to think I’ve learned since then, but I know I’d still make the same choices. But you? You would never. Just being around you has made me better, Aziraphale. _You make me better._ ”

“Oh, Crowley…” Aziraphale breathed before leaning forward to crush his lips against the demon’s own.


	29. Chapter 29

Aziraphale wasn’t entirely sure what he was doing, so the clack of their teeth and Crowley’s hiss of pain shouldn’t have startled him as much as it did. However, he ended up jerking back quickly as he brought up a hand to his own smarting mouth, and he began apologizing profusely.

How embarrassing!

_That was supposed to be romantic!_

He could feel his face going red as Crowley threw his head back in delighted laughter and reached out to pull the angel close with both arms.

“What happened to going slow, angel?” Was it possible to discorporate from embarrassment? Aziraphale was positively certain he was about to find out. He straightened himself in Crowley’s hold as he tried to put on a more confident expression. He was absolutely positive it was too late, but he was at least going to _try_ and save some dignity here.

“Well, if you don’t _want_ me to kiss you, maybe I should just go home!” Aziraphale almost couldn’t believe his own tone. He sounded like a brat! He refused to backtrack though and give Crowley the satisfaction - especially when the demon’s grin had only widened at the response. He was looking at Aziraphale as though he were a particularly tasty crêpe.

“I don’t recall saying any such thing, angel. In fact, I distinctly remember telling you that I’d spend the rest of the day kissing you if you’d let me.” Aziraphale could feel one of Crowley’s hands drift up his back towards the nape of his neck, and his breathing hitched as Crowley leaned in slightly before speaking once more. “So have you changed your mind, angel?” Aziraphale stuttered slightly as Crowley’s hand weaved into the hair on the back of his head and his other arm tightened around him.

“Yes! Wait - no! Wait - yes to kissing! But no to - to - anything else!” Crowley chuckled darkly at the response and tightened his fingers in Aziraphale’s hair to pull his head back slightly.

“Whatever you like, angel.” And then his lips were on Aziraphale’s own.

It was different than before.

Before had been gentle. It had been a simple press of lips, and Aziraphale’s breath had been taken away by that alone.

This was not gentle. Crowley drank in his lips as though Aziraphale would vanish as soon as he released them. He ran a forked tongue along the seam of Aziraphale’s mouth and used the advantage Aziraphale gave him by gasping to delve into the angel’s cavern and stroke his tongue with the demon’s own.

He teased Aziraphale as his hand gentled in his hair and he tempted Aziraphale’s tongue into responding and following his own back into Crowley’s mouth.

It was awkward, and Aziraphale had absolutely no idea what he was doing. But it was also _wonderful._ He could taste the wine Crowley had been drinking the night before, and he could feel the breath escaping the demon’s nose as they kissed. Ha! Even in this, they kept up the human act of breathing.

The hand that had been settled on Aziraphale’s back drifted up his waistcoat over his shirt and pressed him even closer. The angel didn’t realize there was any more space between them that needed to be filled!

Crowley was _everywhere_.

He pulled back from Aziraphale’s mouth and started placing short wet kisses along his jaw and neck as the hand he had in Aziraphale's hair tilted his head back even further to allow him access.

Aziraphale groaned as his own hands that has been groping uselessly at Crowley’s sides clenched into his black shirt in response.

No wonder humans did this sort of thing all the time!

It felt so _good._

“Zira…” Crowley groaned, and Aziraphale could feel the demon’s hardness pressed against his own hip even though the other made no move to do anything about it. He just continued to kiss Aziraphale as though his very being depended on it.

Releasing the angel’s hair, Crowley turned them slightly before taking a few steps backward and sitting on his leather couch then pulled Aziraphale by the waist until he was standing directly in front of him.

“Sit, angel.” Aziraphale didn’t know what kind of face he was making, but it must have shown exactly how puzzled he was by this turn of events as he pushed against Crowley’s hold in an attempt to sit beside him because the demon started laughing again. “No, angel. Sit here.” He gently patted his own thighs as he watched the angel’s face with bright eyes and kiss swollen lips. Aziraphale knew he had to be bright red at the very idea. His face was _burning._

“What? Crowley! I couldn’t possibly -”

“Of course you can, angel.” Crowley pulled him slightly closer, and Aziraphale was straddling his legs while standing in front of him. It was positively the most awkward position he’d ever been in, and only the idea that sitting would at least be _less_ awkward allowed him to get over his embarrassment enough to acquiesce to Crowley’s request.

He was looking down at the demon from this position, and it was an interesting change. The other’s yellow eyes looked him over critically before smirking and locking on to his neck. The hands that had been gripping his waist slid up his back as he pulled the angel down closer.

“Now, where were we?” Crowley asked as Aziraphale squawked while falling forward. He caught himself on the back of the demon’s couch, and he moaned again as the demon locked on to a point on the angel’s neck and nibbled before he began making his way back to the angel’s mouth.

“Crowley…” Aziraphale hitched out, and Crowley made an affirmative noise in response before their lips met once more. They stayed connected for just a moment before the demon pulled back and brought one of his hands up to cup Aziraphale’s cheek.

“What is it, angel?”

“Crowley, I - I can’t believe I waited so long to do this!” Aziraphale was starting to lose count of just how many times the demon could laugh in one day.

**Author's Note:**

> Come bother me on [Tumblr](https://mistmarauder.tumblr.com/) if you want! :)


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